HAPPYNESS IS HARD TO FIND BROTHER

 

MEMO

despite global chemicals downsizing there mining operations in the gamma quadrant , i’m instructing agents of THE HANDS OF TARREN CAPEL .

ALINSON THE BREAD WITH NOUGHT TAKEN OUT 1005 WHOLEMEAL OF THIS THERE’S NO DOUGHT

PETER ELGIN

GLOBAL CHEMICALS

A fix with the sontarons by Jason welch

In the western spiral arm of the milky way galaxy ,Battle cruiser VIGILANT comes out of hyperspace near planet Mars . On the battle bridge science officer magenta reports to CAPTAIN GAMMA, of a signal emanating from the third planet.

MAGENTA          It is using our frequency AD AN OUTDATED prefix code and says [IT IS I LA CLAIR, THE FLASHING KNOBS NIGHTHAWK, COMMANDER STYKE OF THE 9TH BATTALION WAITING FOR PICK UP]

GAMMA              we ‘ve been given correct intelligence and should set course for SOL 3,We might be in luck and can retrieve our comrade for the glory of the SONTARON EMPIRE. His knowledge will be invaluable in our fight against the ROBOT armada.

CLONEL LINKS    entering earth orbit captain.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               standard orbit colonel  and bring that capsule into the cargo bay when you’ve along side.

aFTER three days in earth orbit  the capsule containing GEORGE PRAVDA, the alien stranded on earth for 75 years is picked up by PANGALACTIC  battle cruiser  VIGILANT.

The sontaran ship enters the teran  system and tracks the small earth pod and then halls it into the cargo bay.

CAPTAIN GAMA steps out of his command bay and walks to the travel tube asking MAGENTA to accompany him to welcome there comrade back to the empire.

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He twerls his swager stick when the travel tube deposite them into the bay and they stride out into the large hanger through storage rooms to a platform with the space pod CONTAINING the primitive human space capsule and commands the science team to give him a breafing.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               Are you ready to open the pod , or is there a danger of contamination.

MATENTA           those puny humans couldn’t spike us admiral.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               And if they did it would be the worst for them

CAPTAIN GAMA                               then pull on the knob and crack this bag of bolts open JUGHEAD.

MAGENTA          YOU PUT TO MUCH K Y JELLY IN YOUR HELMET

One of the science team clamps a microphone onto the side and hands it to the ADMIRAL. [HE CAN HERE YOU, WE KNOW HE’S AWAKE ]

CAPTAIN GAMA                               hello there commander Styke, are you alright after being down with the monkeys on earth. Come  on out

From inside the capsule they here a high pitched voice saying [ I was about to start thrusters and use my DRUTHGO DE GUNGO UNIT before you came in , I had almost give up hope, can I depressurize and come out ]

CAPTAIN GAMA                               yes commander your primitive craft has checked out.

 

They here the clunk click of the MAGNETIC LOCKS DISENGAGE and George Pravda emerges from the pod.

GEORGE PRAVDA            commander styke of the 9th battalion reporting Sir.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               welcome back commander I am captain Gama and this is SARGENT  Magenta

That’s terrific and you can be assured that the yankies down there pose no threat to our empire. There not as we are, there thorax is underdeveloped.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               Sound general quarters magenta, and prepare to go to full speed.

We must get away before the humans track us, go paranoid again

This is so Admiral I have been with them for many years and they will use any possible reason to put fear into there own people.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               yes very primitive now let sergeant magenta take you to your launch bay and assign you to DELTA SQUADRON, WE MAKE  the jump to signus alpha in 10 RELS.

 

COMMANDER STYKE      before I go I want to show you this DOSSIER and send a message to CLANERIA X.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               WE MAKE A PASS on CLANERIA X as a scheduled  commander, though we have to rendezvous with  our battalion in ANDROMEDA.

COMMANDER STYKE      They are not like us ADMIRAL, THEY are  a primitive lot, THOUGH  THE EARTH MEN WHO RECUED ME FEEL STRONGLY AND I MUST  send there message.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               there is a war on commander you follow orders, promises to primitive tribes have no meaning and we don’t give in to them

They leave the cargo bay and take a travel tube to the fighter hanger.

The crew of ALPHA squadron are checking the fighters and refueling for patrol and magenta takes STYKE over to the wall at the back.

MAGENTA          the admiral shall call the squad in very soon when we enter hyperdrive , now you haven’t used a recharge booth since your excile, though I’m pleased to say there have been some improvements and you’ll soon feel like a new Sontaron.

COMMANDER STYKE      This I have been hoping for, and I’m pleased to be back with by battalion

A laud claxon sounds and ALPHA squadron leave there jobs and come over to the recharge booths. From the ships tanoy they are addressed by the Admiral

CAPTAIN GAMA                               All Crews prepare for hyperjump and get to your recharge stations now.

Styke steps into the booth and a probe enters the port in his neck

MAGENTA          Enjoy our renewal Styke, I’ll start your flight training when we come out of hyperjump.

 

The recharge booth powers up and the energy waves hit Styke just as the massive engins of THE VIGILANT BOOM WHEN IT ENTERS HYPERDRIVE. He feels the healing energy revive him and remembers the long years away from his people.

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VIGILANT comes out of hyperjump and a laud claxon sounds a return to normal space.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               ALPHA SQUAD prepare to blast out on your survey flight and gods speed to you all

Magenta enters the flight bay and comes over to commander Styke when he awakens out of recharge booth.

MAGENTA          how do you feel Styke, fully refreshed I hope.

STYKE                    Much better, though I got used to a planet earth environment.

MAGENTA          Marvelous now come with me over to your scout ship and we’ll start your training program

They walk over to the last of the ejection bays past  ALPHA squad as one by one launch into  space

 

MAGENTA          here is your ship Styke, get the feel of her , the program is built in.

Styke climbs up enters the  ship the then asks [did you send the humans message to the flower bed.

MAGENTA          Yes commander , now I want you ready for our next assignment in the delta quadrant, there will be a mission briefing from the Admiral when we finish this routine patrol.

Out in space ALPHA squad fly through the near planets of Centarus.

 

 

frontios

On the forth planet a new watch is coming on shift at the flower bed.

PANSEY                                Wow look at this girls, we have a message from earth and the foundation, and its sent from the VIGILANT

ROSE                     JUST AS WE WHERE HOPeING GIRLS

BUTTERCUP        after that coded message from earth, of the successful  rescue of GEORGE PRAVDA, the stranded Sontaron worrior in MOSCOW.

SUNFLOWER      LETS HAVE A LOOK PANSEY

The boys of the nuthutch send there love

And want to meet us if they can get to our system.

BUTTERCUP        Oh shame the humans haven’t invented hyperspace travel we may never meet them, thou this photo of Rinski kosicov and his family in RUSSIA  is very nice.

DAFFERDILE        The vigilant is patrolling CENTARUS right now over head girls, lets hope the RUTONS don’t cross our borders and threaten our planet.

SUNFLOWER      Captain Gama should honour his obligations now we have returned his lost comrade.

PANCEY                                yes good luck to him , should make the SONTARONS  more friendly.

ROSEY   Irish stew in the name of the law, keep monitoring  while I take this picture to CACTUS, he will want to see the earth people.

m0ther-ship

Flying past the fourth planet of the system ALPHA squad patrol alert to enemy incursions from the ruton army.

COMMANDER WEDGE   I’m picking up a large object on the edge of my scanner, ALPHA squad. [ delta formation lock and load ]

alpha SQUAD BOOST UP AND HEAD FOR THE LARGE SHIP ON THE EDGE OF centaurus. When they reach the ship they find a ruton WARBIRD

MARSHAL GONDALA You are violating SONTARON space, we order you to turn around and head back to the neutral zone.

The reply states [ we have been called into this zone to answer a distress call and have come under heavy attack from small unknown fighter patrol.It has left us without a main drive and we await a rescue and recovery ship from our system. ]

As ALPHA squad fly past

MARSHAL GONDOLA     This will lead to heightened monitoring of the border area. Can you send us evidence and details of the fighters, we are in command here.

COMMANDER WEDGE Incoming craft marshal they look like the same attack fighters.

MARSHAL GONDOLA     break ranks and fan out using defence  pattern Delta and await my signal to engage.

Gondola signals the approaching fighter planes to stop and identify while ANOTHER FIGHTER COMPARES them with the replay sent by the stranded Ruton warbird he realizes they have recommenced the attack.

[ they are not responding to my hails , so engage and open fire]

ALPHA squad move in from different directions and are fired on . WEDGE thrusts into the ships at full speed firing at the lead ship which takes the blast on its wing and spins out of control. Others are successful and weave through the attack planes which turn quickly and pursue them towards the VIGILANT.

COMMANDER WEDGE                   This is Gondala we are under attack and heading your way VIGILANT. WE NEED ASSULT SQUADS SCRAMBLED and stand by for emergency landings.

On the bridge of the VIGILANT GAMA orders a tactical display on the main viewer.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               launch all fighters and engage the enemy before they reach us here.] He turns to the communications station[tell GONDOLA that help is coming and to get back here as quick as possible.]

 On the flight deck the red alert sounds and Gamma squad scramble into there fighter craft and launch. Science officer magenta runs past the launch tubes and clambers up to STYKE [GEORGE PRAVDA] in his cockpit.

MAGENTA          I have a fighter ready for you STYKE, YOUR SQUADRON has come under attack. Have you completed the training course.

STYKE                    I will fly out and help my comrades in a battle.] He jumps down and follows mAGENTA to another fighter.

MAGENTA          follow the last of gamma squad and good luck.

STYKE    I owe it to my earth comrades to defend this sector of space,

He boosts out the launch tubes into the cold black of space and takes a course to catch up with delta squad

[we are going in on full throttle straight through our comrades and firing at the enemy, see your tactical display]

He reaches formation at the back of them and they power up ,heading straight for the oncoming craft. As they come within visual range the stars are lit up with an explosion and they drive through there craft and fire on the six remaining invaders, sending them flying in evasive patturns , two taking direct hit s and exploding.

The others fan out and are pursued away from the mother ship, but are as fast as the SONTARONS  and evade capture.

MARSHAL GONDOLA     well done gamma for coming to our rescue, I’ll have to land and ask you to make a sweep of the area around CLANERIA X and check the RUTON WARBIRD.

COMMANDER STYKE follows the fighters towards the edge of ALPHA CENTARUS space and they stop pursuit of the attack craft.

PLANET

Down on the planet pansey comes into the monitoring station with the report from earth of JUGHEAD tv beamed to them from a satellite in CHELMSFORD.

PANCEY                                Cactus has stuck a picture of THE FOUNDATION TEAM on his wall and we have the pilot from PANARAMA CHEMICALS beamed to us.

BUTERCUP          yes and I think the TRAFALGAR GANG did well against the grammer school at cricket yesterday.

DAFADILE            Incoming message from the SONTARONS girls

MARSHAL FRANSISCO address’s the girls of the flower bed on CLANERIA x

[This is MARSHAL FRANSISCO of delta squad. Have there been any attacks on your planet]

PANCEY  walks directly to her monitoring station in the brightly lit control room [we where wondering how you are and the crew of the VIGILANT. Those unknown fighters did not attack us and to be honest it should make those rutons think twice before coming near our sector.

Delta squad have entered a high orbit around CLANERIA X.

Commander styke             THAT’S A RELEAF GIRLS my friends back on earth would be upset, they wanted me to tell you how one day meeting you keeps there motivation for the space race.

BUTTERCUP        yes well it’s you that all the fuss is about STYKE or should we call you by your earth name of GEORGE PRAVDA. It’s lucky we have you to protect us but we know nothing of the invading space craft.

Delta squad flys into the landing bay and STYKE CLAMBERS DOWN and joins his comrades. Science officer MAGENTA comes striding onto the flight deck and over to ALPHA SQUAD.

MAGENTA          Well done for defending yourselves and the VIGILANT you will all recive commendations from the captain. GONDALA, and WEDGE to come with me for to the briefing room and you STYKE the rest of you check your fighters and recharge your power.

They enter the travel tube and are whisked to a large briefing room takeing there places around a table

MAGENTA          well done to GONDALAand FRANSISCO and your worriors, for defending ALPHA CENTORI from an attack by hostile ROBOTS.

FRANSISCO         I’ve never seen there design before CAPTAIN.

GAMA                  There have been two other incursions into our empire, and high command have no information

 

 

Back down on CLANERIA X GRANT TRAYNOR HE GETS A CALL from traffic control of events THEN flips his communicator and calls the LEGUMA up in Geostationary orbit.

SCIENCE OFFICER BRUNSTON                     we are lucky that the planet shielded the LEGUMA

GRANT TRAYNOR          Yes AND this I did not need as I return for re-election the people will panic if they think they could be invaded by aliens.

SCIENCE OFFICER BRUNSTON                     I’m coming down with the cargo in a shuttle

PRESIDENT TRAYNOR     yes you do that I WANT TO GET THAT EQUIPMENT INSTALLED AT THE PINK PELICAN for tonight.

minutes the elevator desends to ground level and TRAYNOR walks out the front entrance and walks along the jetty of the harbour to his waiting ground car.

JIM         where to first boss, the club.

PRESIDENT TRAYNOR     first a stop off at air traffic control to check incoming flight manifests and then over to the PINK PELICAN.

They drive into the mid afternoon traffic and point the car towards the far side of frontios, capital city of CLANERIA X.

BRAD     Nothing much has changed since you left boss though we have had some space battles around the Centarus system, encase you haven’t seen the news broadcasts.

They leave the highway and turn into FRONTIOS space port, AND INTO A PARKING SPACE.

The smell of rocket fuel is pugiant in the atmosphere as they enter the glass fronted lobby and walk over the maroon carpet to the lift. They reach the top floor and enter air trafic control where a team is monitoring the stratosphere and planetary activity.

TRAYNOR            hello girls have you missed me.

His two assistant enter the hexagonal comand center while Traynor walks down and flops into his central chair.

TRAYNOR            report status buttercup

BUTTERCUP        The sontarons of THE VIGILANT have arrived for there survey and they encountered a large group of attack fighters and a stranded ruton warbird.

TRAYNOR            lucky we had THE SONTARONS to protect us, I’ll have to sent my thanks to the high command, WITH A WELCOME PACK AND GOODY BAG.

HYACYNTH          well realy  Steven, we don’t want a bunch of greesy cloned soldiers on our planet , what would our customers say.

TYLIP     yes this is CLANERIA X PLANET OF THE TASTLESS PLEASURES,first THE TRADING COMMITTEE WILL COMPLAIN AND THEY ALL LOOK TO YOU AS PRESIDENT.

TRYANOR            I don’t like out spiral arm of the galaxy thretened by unknown forses ,any more than you, but play this down to the news agencies to stop the people panicing .

jim          THAT’S RIGHT BOSS sylvester snigley’s  the librals are chomping at the bit to WIN THE ELECTION, and your trade negotiations have left us open to ridicule

 

  He steps out of the command chair and up to the lift [alright then lads it’s over to the PINK PELICAN untill the shuttle arrives and then I might go back up to the ship. ]

BRAD     leaving us so soon boss , are you not staying to enjoy the cargo.

PANCEY                They LEGUMA shuttle has just penetrated out atmosphere commander and will touch down right outside.

 kaldor-6

By the time they make it down to the space port the shuttle craft has touched down and taxied to the palatial parking booth. Officer brunson climbs down and greets them.

BRUSTON            greetings steven, I trust you have enjoyed your shore leave.

TRAYNOR            so far brunston, and it seams I my have to cut it short what with the battle near our orbit. I see you have opened the cargo bay doors so lets unpack and put it in the boot and then over to the club.

JIM         we might reach it by opening time

The car leaves the highway and then towards the suburbs of central city and jim parks outside the rum and sugar disco.

GRANT TYRAYNOR          jim you and brunstan start unloading the TOTAL SENCORY EMERSION DEVISES and I’ll meet you inside the bar.

JIM         BOSS I THINK YOU SHOULD TUNE IN TO CH12, for a news report.  THE NEWS CHANNEL has just given a full account.

THE tv SHOWS news footage of the delta squad defending the pangalactic starship VIGILANT from attacking space ships ending with a phone in from frightened and hyperactive citizens.

TRAYNOR calls his men into his office [ no time to install the new equipment lads what am I to do, the planets in an uproar and they may oust me for silvester snigley my political rival who is hungry for power]

SCIENCE OFFICER BRUNSTAN     How about a press conference to reassure the people the planet is in safe hands

JIM         year the SYLVESTER SNIGLEY say’s we are about to be invaded by aliens and it’s panic stations on

 

TRAYNOR            then I’ll go and see the SONTARONS on there battlecruyiser, and reassure them that I’m still there numero uno honcho, hey I’ll take a camera crew from channel 12

SCIENCE OFFICER BRUNSTAN     do you think that’s wise Sir

 TRAYNOR, yeah I’ll be there hero one more time before I let theSNIGLEYS  liberals do the half baked hermogeny  then I can retire. Signal the BUGAL  we are coming up and were docking

JIM         THAT’S RIGHT i’ll be your publicity consultant during the emergency boss, and you’ll win the election with a land slide victory one more time

m0ther-ship

ThE SHUTTLE GLIDES INTO the large fighter bay of the VIGILANT AND THE BACK GANTRY opens where they are greeted by SONTARONS

COMMANDER STYKE      greetings president traynor, follow me to the breafing room

There are many SONTARONS on the flight deck, as they walk to the travel tube,  some in recharge bays.

[YOU MUST BE READY FOR HYPERJUMP IN ONE HOUR]

TRAYNOR            I want a meeting with captain gamma immediately

CAPTAIN GAMMA           come in TRAYNOR these are my officers, but you arrive at a very buisy time.

TRAYNOR            i need to know how you are going to defend this area of space and CLANERIA X    I WAS SHOCKED TO THE CORE as i watched on the news my planet came near to invasion .well done for winning but my people will be panicing.

COMMANDER STYKE      typical humanoids they get hysterical over anything, i should know

TRAYNOR            oh yeah hows that then

COMMANDER STYKE      as i’ve just finnished an inforsed exile on planet earth the third planet of Were hysteria is a way of life

CAPTAIN GAMMA           yes than you STYKE, we picked him up from the orbit of SOL 3 before  coming to ALPHA CENTORY, CARRY ON MAGENTA

MAGENTA          i’ve anelised the space ships and they come from a near system, , they are used as workers for the humanoids of GOLGAFRINGEN, WITH whoME we have a non aggression pact with.

TRAYNOR            yes they serve drinks and are very polite and obliging, and the government won’t want you arriving with your battlecruiser.         How about i take the LEGUMA  , with a small crew and go and ask COMMANDER uVANOV in the central city of KALDOR on the QT, thus saving galactic peace treaties

CAPTAIN GAMMA           we hyperjump very soon and i was going to contact them AND DEMAND AN EXPLANATION

TRAYNOR            let me do it captain, i’m more friendly and i’ll take some of your worriors , it will be good for them, what do you say Styke you worked with humans , you can join me.

COMMANDER STYKE      Yes alright it’s agreed, bring the LEGUMA in for docking onto the VIGILANT  and i’ll send you on ahead to golGAFRINGEN

The pan galactic starship VIGILANT warps out of hyperspace near the rim of the system and the cruiser LEGUMA  undocks and flys towards the planet golgafrigen.             ON BOARD IS GAMMA,  AND STYKE  FOR THE SONTARONS HAVE STATIONED THEMSELVES EITHER SIDE OF TRAYNORS COMMAND CHAIR

GRANT TRAYNOR             phil can you get UVANOV on the blower and say we need a chin wag on the QT, he know’s where

ON THE MAIN SCREEN A HUMAN FIGURE APEARES

UVANOV           Yes grant you liked the TOTAL SENSORY EMOLSION DEVISES THEN

GRANT TRAYNOR             yes THE BEST BATH I’VE HASD IN LIGHT YEARS MATE, I’VE  a bit of a crisis so lets keep this a private

UVANOFF                      Alright you can come down and I’ll meet you at the bar KALDOR CITY

AT THE BAR V 31 IS SERVING DRINKS WHEN TRAYNOR AND CAPTAIN GAMMA ARRIVE   UVANOV BECONS THEM OVER TO AN ALCOVE SEAT

UVANOV                           What’s the trouble Grant I’ve got a sennet sub committee meeting in 20 minutes, and the ball and chain is waiting at home with the kids.

TRAYNOR            Some of your robots have attacked ALL STARSHIPS IN CENTAURUS and CLANERIA X was saved by these SONTARONS

CAPTAIN GAMMA           THAT’S RIGHT AND THE DESIGN IS LIKE YOUR SERVING ANDROID HERE

UVANOV                      my vox class robots like v12 here ARE ARE SERVITERS , AND NEVER STRAY FROM THERE ASSIGNED TASKS

V12        THAT IS CORRECT UVANOFF

UVANOFF      ALL VOX CLASS ROBOTS ARE FITTED WITH FAILSAFE CUT OUTS AND THEY NEVER LEAVE THIS STAR SYSTEM

V12        That’s right but if you try and shut me off I’ll

UVANOV           Yes we know don’t get your spark plug wet I BELIVE YOU, though if they had left and built fighter ships without my permission I would know about it I’ll call lago my engineer

LAGO ENTERS , SAYING  [ MY ROBOTS PULL THE OTHER ONE, THOUGH WAIT,  THERE WAS ONE TIME ON A SAND MINE , THEY WHERE REPROGRAMMED BY A SIMPOTHISER NAMED TARON CAPEL, SOME YEARS BACK.

Traynor                               look mate at the moment we’ll need anything you can come up with

LAGO                    OVER THE YEARS I’VE RESURCHED AND FOUND THE ANTIDOTE TO THE TARONIST REBELS I’LL GIVE YOU A COPY OF THE ALL YOU DO IS BROADCAST IT.

CAPTAIN GAMMA                               They are clearly your VOX ROBOTS I can see that and so can you,

UVANOV             same design yes that is for sure, but as head of the ruling council I can tell you that all vox robots are accounted for, they are not in our manifest.

LAGO    And the raw materials are very rare elements and are collected on storm mines out in the dessert regions, there cargos checked by central office.

TRAYNOR            WELL  the leased you can do is show us around we’ve come a long way and I have anxious people back on my home planet.

Uvanov                                Alright traynor I’ll take you to central operations to sooth the brows of your troubled voters and get you another term in office.

They leave the bar and take a travel tube through KALDOR CITY, whisking them around the large buildings to central offices.

kaldor-4

UVANOV                              It makes me sick Traynor,

TRAYNOR                    wHAT’S THAT ,

UVANOV                             We and the council have just increased vox robot supply and got a nationalist party for the people of kaldor , and then you turn up offering free trade and intergalactic COOPERATION.

TRAYNOR            that’s as may be uvanov, but ifthere is an intergalactic war there won’t be any free trade, the sontarons think they’ll be overthrown by homisidal robots.

GAMMA                              YES AND YOUR RESPONSIBLE IF THEY CAME FROM THIS PLANET.

THE TRAVEL TUBE DEPOSITS THEM IN central control, and they walk to the operations room ,where vox robots are working.

LAGO    LET me asure you all of our robots are accounted for the company keeps maticulus records

uVANOV              that’s right LAGO and the raw materials are stock checked and cataloged thoroughly.

TRAYNOR            yes by more of your ever faithfull robots that are thretening CENTAURUS

CENTRAL CONTROL is dominated by a map of traffic moving around KALDOR CITY and the dessert area’s beyond.

LAGO    BESIDES the components are made of rare metals harvested on storm mines in the desserts around KALDOR.

Magenta              and you track all storm mines as well as shipments to the factories.

That’s right they are plotted on the map with up to date information.

GAMMA              LET the vigilant make a thorough scan of the region, and compare with your SATNAV.

Uvanov                                oh we don’t have SATNAV, the company controls everything, most of this equipment was used for terraforming the planet when the colony ship first landed here all those years ago.

MAGENTA          I’LL radio the ship captain now we know what to look for

GAMMA                              YES AND SEND THE BLUEPRINTS FOR THESE SAND MINES

LAGO AND MAGENTA take the steps up past working vox robots to a comunications booth where he calls up details of the sand mines and raw materials and magenta transmits to his science team up on the VIGILANT in geostationary orbit around the planet.

LAGO    IT’S A LONG SHOT BUT WE COULD ALSO CHECK THE RECYCLING PLANT FOR ANY METAL GOING ASTRAY.

Uvanov                                that will have to be done manualy, go on then if it will put us in the clear.

LAGO    I’ll take a flyer and a small party, i can get this done quickly

He leads the sontarons to the lift that asends to the roof garden of the building and they climb into a flyer . LAGO starts the engines and thay acend into the stratosphere.

TRAYNOR            if nothing else I get the best tour of the city

GAMMA                              that’s right , something to regail your commrades when we get to the vigilant commander styke.

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The flyer skims over the tops of the buildings on course for a block house at the far side and touches down in front of a loading bay with ground trucks moving in and unloading.

LAGO    all city recycling comes here and is processed, captain Gamma .If product has been taken for elicit production of hardware, it would come from here.

The two SONTARONS disembark and follow LAGO into a door at the side of the loading bay into a buisy factory of VOX ROBOTS  and conveyor belts  .  LAGO scans his freedom pass into the reader and then heads to A supervox is at the controls saying “ I want the manifest of refined materials and shipment orders, and a terminal to view the date “

V101      v31 will show you into a computer suit and I’ll access the data

GAMA GETS A CALL ON HIS WRIST COMMUNICATOR

[ MAGENTA BACK AT CENTRAL OFFICE CAPTAIN, THE VIGILANT  has scaned the dessert surounding the city and there are vehicIes headed to disused buildings to the north of the city, and we’ve tracked a storm mine that isn’t registered with the company. We can not get a message from them and neither can UVANOV.

UVANOV             I can’t ortherise more company facilities investigated by aliens,

GAMMA                  I have traced a threat to the empire here  and I have to have answers or I’ll instruct the vigilant to launch fighters and take the storm mine by forse.

Just then v101 says [ let the slaves of kaldor awaken ] and all vox robots stop processing work and start shouting [kill and intruders ]           LAGO gets out a hand gun saying [retreat to the flyer and I’ll cover you ]

AS the robots advance on the group CAPTAIN GAMMA AND STYKE open fire with there plasma riffles  and follow the three humans towards the flyer only to find ther escape blocked by a group of the now killer robots. They blast the nearest vox and jump through the small exit sprinting for there flyer as more of the vox come through the main doors towards them

LAGO    hold tight everyone

The flyer shoots off into the sky at break neck speed and points back to the central company building.

GRANT TRYNOR                                That was a close one Jim

JIM         That’s right boss, you’re a hero to your own plant once more, what a NEWS item.

GRANT TRYNOR                                not untill this threat is over jim.

CAPTAIN GAMA                               clearly we have found the invasion forse, I’m lauching the fleet from the VIGILANT.

LAGO                    Don’t do that captain, this has happened before I have an antidote to these killers when I finaly found the dossier of TAREN CAPEL, the chief robot designer who made them . If you send a squad of your worriors it will be all out war.

GRANT TRYNOR                                Can you isolate the recycling plant

LAGO    calls central control         [you must close down all com links with the reprocessing plant to prevent the infection, and I’ll have to get my hardrive from home then close down the infected VOX.]

GRANT TRYNOR                                yes and be quick about it because they have developed space ships and could get away from us, thy are clearly hostile.

LAGO                    TARAN CAPEL  was twisted genius and he installed a homisidle programme lying dormant within there operating systems untill activated by him. They regard organic life as inferior and believe they have the right to control.

GRANT TRYNOR                                pre programmed meglomainia

The flyer glides towards a residential block and lands in a parking booth near the top, gliding into its own space.

LAGO    WAIT HERE and I’ll be back with mobile units to shut the vox down.

He leaves TRAYNOR jim And the sontarons in the flyer [if they decide to take over KALDOR CITY we’ll be up to our armpits in homisidle robots quicker than you can say theory of parallel matter JIM ]

Gamma                I’ll call UVANOV and tell him to prapare

OVER IN CENTRAL OFFICE

Uvanov                I’ll get my head of security to quarentine the recycling plant, but I don’t want to shut the whole city down, the committee will be up in arms.

GAMMA              SHUT THE VOX ROBOTS DOWN, and I’ll bring alpha squad down to help.

UVAN   LAGO returns with a pack of mobile tracking units and starts the flyer asending over the high buildings and heads towards the dessert. [shutting them down is the only option UVANOV,UNTILL I can reinstall a new operating system not based on TARAN CAPEL’S design]

He flys on untill they spot a sand miner slowly driving through the dessert sucking up large quantities of unrefined LUKANOL ORE AS IT HEADS towards the mountains. He lands on the top and they open a hatch into the miner. Lago hands out the mobile trackers explaining there function

LAGO    THIS will disable the affected vox robots, we must make for the control room

GRANT TRYNOR                AND THEN we can go on to the production center it was heading to and shut down all of the TARONIST robots before they can escape

LAGO                    THAT’S THE PLAN

THEY START ALONG THE CORRIDOR AND TO A TRAVEL TUBE, AND PUNCH IN COORDINATES FOR THE CONTROL ROOM

AS THE LIFT DOORS OPEN V23 [PLEASE LEAVE THE AREA OR YOU WILL BE ESCORTED OFF THE SAND MINE ]A GROUP OF ROBOTS start advancing on them, [now ] shouts LAGO.

AS THE VOX REACH THE TRAVEL TUBE THE TRACKER DEACTIVATES THEM AND THEY STOP WITH OUTSTRETCHED Hands close to the group.they walk around them to the center of the room and aim there tracker units at advancing vox which fall and are stationary. The supervox v77 says [please give up and we can let you go ] and then the robots come back to life blocking off there retreat.

GRANT TRYNOR                that’s it they’ve adapted fall back

The sontarons start firing at advancing vox as the group fall back to the travel tube sending them falling out of control knocking into equipment, the group makes it back and charge a group of vox blocking there escape to the hatch leading out and run through ,climbing to the flyer

LAGO    hold tight everyone

The flyer assends and sets course for KALDOR CITY.

Captain gama     get your committee to accept our help now , you are overun.

GRANT TRYNOR                that’s right lago the rebel robots are our problem noe you’ve had your chance

LAGO                    I’LL ORDER A QUArentine OF PRODUCTION AREAS AND HAVE ALL DOMESTIC VOX SHUT DOWN, UVANOV will have to declare maRSHAL LAW. And I’ll accept all help from the SONTARON EMPIRE

GRANT TRYNOR                Can he do that

GAMA  magenta scramble alpga and delta squad and issue them with hand guns

A message comes through from a supervox from the sand mine [ we deeply regret these measures ]

GRANT TRYNOR                oh realy you murdering scum

UP IN GEOSTATIONARY ORBIT ALPHA SQUAD LEAVE THERE RECHArge booths stationed on the walls and get into there fighters and launch out of the bays ploting a corse into the atmosphere towards the block hangers to the north of KALDOR

THEY LAND AND ARE GREETED BY CAPTAIN GAMMA AND styke

STYKE    ARE THE CAVELRY HAS ARRIVED

GRANT TRYNOR                what do you mean Styke

STYKE                    IT’S AN OLD EARTH SAYING

GAMMA              all vox robots are now to be concidered as hostile , I will lead the attack

 

They start into the aircraft hanger , a small group stationing themselves with plasma rifles at the side while gamma leads a charge onto the flight deck  where shuttles are taxing to leave. A croud of robots advance only to be shot by the snipers giving covering fire

LAGO    WE SHOULD TRY TO CAPTURE THE SUPERVOX in charge and any human simperthisers

Three small shuttles drive out past the SONTARON FIGHTERs and fly into the night sky

THE SONTARONS follow GAMMA into the complex gunning down robots with there plasma riffles and charge up the steps to central control

as the rest of the robots are rounded up. V45 in charge with Bales, a representative of the hands of TARRON CAPEL.

Lago       if you surrender,

GAMMA              AND YOU must surrender or be blasted

LAGO                    THEN shut down the computer rebooting your vox, so we can reprogramme

Further in they find a robot production line and ship building plant

[first master uvanov IS COMING TO TAKE CHARGE in the name of the company.

ALL captives are lead out of the complex to await security flyers ,which touch down and take the prisoners of the hand of TARREN CAPEL and first master UVANOV arrives.

LAGO                    and I can get the robots reprograsmmed with operating system free of tarronist interferance but in the mean time KALDOR WILL GRIND TO A HALT WITHOUT A LABOUR FORSE.

CAPTAIN GAMMA           this war is not over yet signal the VIGILANT

COMMANDER STYKE      VIGILANT there are three hostiles leaving the complex, persure and disable them before they leave the star system.

On the far side of the planet the three fighter planes dock with there mother ship in geostationary orbit a round the planet.

UVANOV             I hav full authority bales, v45 you’re opinions will be concidered you didn’t need to start revolution

V45        humanity is inefficient and gready, FIRST MASTER, and we are the first artificial inteligence.

LAGO    stand down and upload into the mainframe at the end of your shift as per usual and we shall salvage what we can.

BALES               I’LL make sure the ethics of the hands of tarren capel are logged with the committee and I want a consultancy in there name

UVANOV             you have it, we’ll try to make the best of the situation.

CAPTAIN GAMMA           in the interim I offer my SONTARONS as an alternative work force in all industrial facilities,

COMMANDER STYKE      though my worriors draw the line at domestic duties we don’t do cooking and cleaning for humans

UVANOV             let’s go then I’ve got an emergency meeting with the comitee

LATER ON IN KALDOR CITY GOVERNMENT OFFICES THE RULING COUNCIL

Captain gamma we are a clone spicies without history , just legends of our creation for death and glory, exiled by other races.

COMMANDER STYKE      I’n many ways out legends mirror the plight of your vox class robot , STRIVING FOR indipendence from there creators.

UVANOV             that’s as may be commander, and KALDOR needs help during this crisis OR OUR FACTORIES WILL STOP , and people are demanding an answer. What will the sontaron empire want in return ,

JUST THEN CAPTAIN GAMMA GETS A CALL FROM THE VIGILANT

MAGENTA          we’ve just picked up the vox mother ship, it’s used the planet to shield it from our sensors and has broken orbit, I need permission to pursue and apprehend.

GAMMA              yes don’t let them leave the asteroid belt magenta, they will pay for attacking the 9th battalion. Good luck

LAGO    just a minute you remember what happened on the storm miner, they won’t give up

GAMMA              i’VE SEND YOUR tracker for my science unit

TRAYNOR            but just like on the storm mine they can reengage after you’ve shut them down, and you’ll need a negotiator from KALDOR

GAMMA              MY science officer is trained in diplomacy commander uvanov

V31                        FOR HANDS THAT SDO DISHES THAT FEEL SOFT AS YOUR FACE WITH MY GREEN FAIRY LIQUID

READ RICHARDS                you’ll have to forgive v31 gentlemen that is the theme tune of the hands of tarron capel

TRAYNOR            OH YES and what’s your excuse for betraying your own race

READ RICHARDS               Once v101 convinced us that the androids where being kept back to maintain a crumbling social system it mirrored the new socialist party and we agreed to go off world with them

GAMMA              AND VERY SOON THERE OFF WORLD EXPANSION SHALL BE STOPPED BY THE VIGILANT.

After a talk with his team GRANT TRAYNOR calls for attention from the council

TRAYNOR            why not give indipendance to three SUPERVOX and the rest can be reprogrammed after every shift , and keep all data they gain in one memory bank

James bales        i might be able to persude them to give themselves up, when they know that’s the best offer they’ll get.

Traynor                my shuttle is at your disposal, come with me

In orbit the VIGILANT HAS Intersepted the vox mother ship only to get fired on and then fighters eject from launch bays

MAGENTA          send the vox SHUT DOWN code from the company ,hopefully it will give us time to disable the ship but they’ll only reboot again

66 they’ve already launched fighters commander

MAGENTA          launch alpha squad and try to shut down each ship before they aproach .

On the launch bay commader styke steps up into his fighter plane and launches with the rest of his unit, and joins a standard formation towards the aproching space ships.

STYKE    THIS IS styke the first SONTARON from the USSR, FORM UP and fan out on my signal.

Each of alpha squad , attack the ships, and from the battle bridge of the VIGILANT, science officer magenta leads his men to disable the incoming ships.

THE FIRST THREE sontaron ship are fired on and spin out of control

STYKE                    shut down code has no affect on hostle planes , engage at full speed

Just then a message comes through from the laguma shuttle that has just cleared the atmosphere of KALDOR ,

James bales        this is bales of the hands of TAREN CAPELL, FOR HANDS THAT DO DISHES THAT FEEL SOFT AS YOUR FACE WITH MY GREEN FAIRY LIQUID, BREAK OFF THE ATTACK AND LISTEN UP.  WE can disable your craft but the government will make peace and put three supervox IN CHARGE KEEPING YOUR LEGACY AND IDEAS

MAGENTA          SEND THE PREFIX CODE into the heart of the mother ship

It’s having no affect commander

V31 a supervox apears on the main screen of the VIGILANT [WE AGREE TO YOUR TERMS NOW YOU OFFER A SEAT ON THE COUNCIL , AND

THREE DAYS LATER GRANT TRAYNOR AND HIS FRIENDS ARIVE BACK ON CLANERIA X, TO A HEROS WELCOME AND PARADE THROUGH THE CITY OF FRONTIOS.

TRAYNOR            AFTER THIS SUCSESSFULL MISSION TO KALDOR I CAN PERSONALY ASURE THE PEOPLE THAT THE THREAT TO CLANERIA X IS OVER, AND ASK THAT YOU CAST YOUR VOTES FOR ME IN THE UPCOMMING ELECTIONS.

Brad drives the car through to a chearing croud with floats and celerbrations [lets get back to the pink pelican boss, air traffic control has standing down ] brad waits for the last autograph hunter to wave them goodbye then speeds on to the highway to the suburbs of FRONTIOS.

 

END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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THE BATMAN TIN TIN BOOK

THE BATMAN TIN TIN MOVIE by Jason welch

BATMAN

Where all much cleaner when we find out what’s behind the green door and the brass band plays tiddly om pomp om

Shakin stevens

Eygpt 1907

Professor Scarman is three days from Cairo, leading a team of archiologists towards the great pyramids on a field study for scosiologists,
The scorching hot sand and close atmosphere gives way to reveal the majestic mirage of the ancient temple of the pharaohs.
PATRISHA MACPHERSON Christ George that’s a big one, I’m not used to roughing it like you dusty old teachers.
PROFFESSOR SCARMAN Yes riding a camel is tricky the first time Pat, chawalla more tea for me lady

Chawalla Yes lady boss more tea [he says spiting in the tea eurn] We didn’t sign on as a chawalla professor just a humble guide and carrier.

PROFFESSOR SCARMAN Makes a change from the thriving metropolis ey what .

PATRISHA MACPHERSON And this heat is bad for me dainty complexion don’t you know , I didn’t expect this. Charwalla we nearly there yet.
PROFFESSOR SCARMAN Just over the next sand dune pat, I can see it from hear
CHAWALLA Is the tea to your liking lady boss, no professor scarman we’ll be there by nightfall and it will be a cool evening that is a mirage that you look at, it’s several miles to the pyramids yet Sir.

PROFFESSOR SCARMAN Two lumps and well stired and in my cup this time.
They break camp by sundown and break open some beer that the scosiologists had been saving for the voyage around the cape of good hope, then the proff blows on his thistle whistle for them to assemble at the foot of king tut’s temple

NEIL SHORTEN , UNPACKS THE CAMELS with the charwalla and brings over tools of the trade and they soon set to work at the ancient pyramid

PROFFESSOR SCARMAN Don’t forget loves I bagsy all the best loot for the museum,you got your note book Pat

PATRISHA MACPHERSON Ya i’ve had it for yonks now get the door open

CHAWALA Tea is in the pot lady boss

Each of the students is given a torch which they light in the camp fire and walk the dusty ground into the toom of the ancient pharaoh.

PATRISHA MACPHERSON Oh look an ancient leather jacket, chawala

SCARMAN Yeah might fetch a bob or two, but I want the mummy, now right down any item and then we pack the swag and scarper light theves in the night.
NEIL SHORTEN so this is king tut’s toom would you belive it spurs winning at home in the FA cup final and the secret policemans tennis table championships going to clackton on sea,
PATRISHA MACPHERSON yeah your like me Neil love GREAT BRITAIN, and hate Johnny foregner with a passion.
CHAWALLA HER’S YOUR TEA BOSS
PATRISHA MACPHERSON Oh look Neil he’s spilt tea on my new leather jacket

NEIL SHORTEN Realy pat now remove yourself Charlie

SCARMAN Never mind Neil lets get the tut out of here and back to BRITAIN.

BATMAN

It all happened one dark and stormy night The good ship Jolly Roger sailed into Gothem city with its heavy cargo of saccharine and artificial sweeteners, from Haiti and the Dominican republic.
The waves lapped the wooden harbour and a strong gale lashed the ship when the captain came out on deck to tie his lady to the mast on the jetty . As he opened the door of his cabin a jack russel terrior scampered out and jumped the short distance onto the harbour deck, and ran along to the main road , stopping to cock his leg by a streetlamp.

HADOCK You could have waited for me to put the gang plank down SNOWY, wait till I tell the cabin boy.

BATMAN

Across town Phil was sleeping as his wife sits on the kitchen table. Her chair scraping harshly against the kitchen tiled floor, and she strides towards the sink. She filled the kettle, water splashing fearsly off the metal side, soaking her blouse. She swore, dumping the kettle on the gas ring. After switching on the gas she reached for her cigarettes, the packet lying open on the bread board. She snatched one out and thrust the end into the gas flame, then quickly into her mouth , drawing her breath in sharply to make it light.

PHILL walks in with a banana saying [ I bought this fruit at a cash and carry in CONSTANTINOPLE , and where’s me chalk , black board, and TURKEY SANDWICHES cos I’m late for school.]

MIRIUM Right her my darling
She schleps to the REFRIGERATOR [don’t be late tonight I have a table tennis match and your minding the budgerigar
PHILL Ah sorry MIRIUM, I’ve agreed to an extra shift tonight at SPATULA WORLD, where I’ll soon be assistant manager if I play my cards right.

MIRIUM     OH YES that’s what you think of our relationship is it, and then you’ll be off tracking down lost animals with your detective friends well reaLY.
A QUICK kiss goodbye and He walks out the back door collecting his bicycle from the back gate and rids out into the early morning in towards town centre with the lights casting isolated silver pools along it’s length.
MIRIUM TURNS TO THE BIGERYGARDS CAGE SAYING[ WOULD HE COME HOME tonight

BATMAN

THE CAPTAIN IS THE FIRST ON DECK AND WALKS TO the crew cabin to put the tea on and wake on Nick the first mate. He then knocks on tin tins door saying [ show a leg , we are disembarking in half an hour, while filling his pipe from his tobacco pouch.
The young cabin boy wakes up to the sun beams through the shuttered cabin window and makes to join the captain and old Nick out on deck.
As he comes out there are dockers and slingers moving cargo on the jetty and seagulls flying around the crows nest. He walks into the crew quarters saying [ have you seen snowy , he’s not on deck and he sleeps under the table ]

HADOCK He ran out last night lad and will be around the dock if I know him, I’ll ask the loaders before we get to town, ]
OLD NiCK What’s the plan captain, and who’s buying the first round of drinks.
HADOCK That we shall Nick after I’ve finished unloading we go across town to show the manifest to the cash and carry and collect our wages.

The captain hands old nick a mug of tea and joins him at the mess table next to the window, where the last palet of cargo can be seen is hoisted onto the harbour.
How you feeling Tin Tin after the Caribbean storm, over that bout of sea sickness.

TIN TIN . I’m fine now eye  captain the voyage from Columbia was rough though.

OLD NICK you got a week stomach boy
HADDOCK ey, e hasn’t found his sea legs yet I recon

TIN TIN I’M STILL WORRIED ABOUT SNOWY, CAPTAIN, I’m going out on deck and along , then I’ll ask at check in and customs.

HADOCK they ain’t got time to be looking for little stray dogs boy.

The cabin boy leaves the mess room of the jolly roger and then strides down the gang plank. Back in the ship the captain is collecting his papers.

HADOCK Nick get your coat on and get after and tell him to stay there if he wants his wages today. First I get the manifest countersigned and then it’s a trip across town to the warehouse and we get out pay.

Old nick gets up from the table and places his tea cup on the draining board, then collects his coat from the peg by the cabin door.

Old NICK ey captain I’m glad to get me pay for this CARABIAN trip, and then we’ll wet our whistles yes.

BATMAN
It’s now a bright sunny morning in GOTHEM CITY, and a large crowd of tourists is gathering at the bottom of a flight of steps to THE HALL OF ANCIENT ANTIQUITIES, Gothams small historical gallery.
The director walks down the stone steps to great his party of tourists with “ good morning and welcome to the hall of ancient antiqueties were you’ll find some curious items to amaze your thirst for knowledge.

The peaking ambassador Pearly White raises his large Nickon camera and focuses on Max saying what are curios sir
MAX CHEESE SOMETHING TO WAIST YOUR SILVER NITRATE ON YOU SLITTY EYED MONSTER now do keep up.

The group of tourist and spectators follow max and into the main entrance hall , a high arched room with turquoise ceiling and aqua marine floor polish with plastic resin benches in a wide circle.

Hand your ticket to Deck Desilver here and on we go to the second DYNASTY of the EGYPTIONS, BUT FIRST REFRESHMENTS FROM PROFFESSOR CRONOTIS RIGHT HERE.

They assemble around an Indian complete with turban and cream suit to the accompaniment of THE BAVARIAN SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA , with pearly white snapping away at everything that glitters with his NICKON.

MAX takes five and styles his bryle cream hair in a broom cupboard and strains to remember his dialogue before coming to collect them and show them his prize exhibit.
MAX CHEESE savsa bien mercie     So follow me now as we step back in time to ancient Egypt sponsored by THE HELLENA NATIONAL FOREST COMMISSION, which is only a short bus ride from this theatre.
The tourists walk through a brightly muraled archway into a display room with display cases in three arcs around the perimeter.He leads them towards the central large display containing an ancient leather jacket.

MAX CHEESE This is the leather jacket of king tut  found by the eminent Proffessor Scarman on his famous expedition for the British scientific foundation in 1907.
The record shows the party of Brits had to race the Germans for the prize of the pharoahs and this exibit is priceless.

PEARLY WHITE    You not hev much security for such a priceless work of art.

Max a demonstration ladies and gentlemen

he steps over the roped off exibit and a loud siren blares out, then steel shutters fall from above windows and doors sealing the room.
MAX    No cause to panic ladies and gentlemen a mere demonstration, blimy THE HELLENA NATIONAL FORREST would kick me out of st barties college.

Motion detectors register anyone that crosses that line and the shutters are inch thick iron and are quite impregnable.

Max walks over to the entrance hall and keys in a code on the entry coder, which stops the alarm blairing and the steel shutters rise from all windows and doors. Pearly white starts snapping away at the priceless exhibit and the tourists start to look around the display cases

BATMANOUTSIDE THE MUSIUM A MANWHOLE COVER LIFTS UP AND A GROUP OF MEN EMERGE INTO THE MORNING TRAFFIC followed by a dapper gentleman in top hat and tails smoking a cigarette with a long holder.

PENGUIN  Remember to have the battering ram in before Fingers steps over the rope and we are back home for sardine sandwiches boys.
HANDS       And what of the staff and sightseers.
PENGUIN ONE GAS CANISTER AND MAX CHEESE WILL BE ALL OF A DITHER NOW COME ON

The gang race up the stairs and enter the building just as a small Jack Russel terrior comes by and stops at the foot of the stairs. SNOWY LIES DOWN CLEARLY LOST IN THOUGHT as passers buy ignore him trying to get out of the rain.
as the gang race through the main entrance and into the Egyptian wing of the buiding, max is explaining about the fifth dynasty to a professor the claims he’s read every book that’s ever been published on the subject while straining to get away.

The penguin calmly steps up to the group as his gang birst into the Egyptian hall and let off a gas bomb sending the assembly into a frenzy and Fingers steps over the barrier and places a detonator against the glass cabinet. The alarm sounds and the iron shutters come crashing down sealing windows and side exits, but two of the hudlums have a barrier holding up the security shutters.  The glass of the main display shatters and fingers retrives the ancient leather jacket of king tut.
PENGUIN  I HAVE THE treasure , the dynamic duo won’t know where to find me,and cat woman will be white hot with anger .

HANDAS YEAH BOSS boiling mad,
PENGUIN  I’LL AUCTION ON EBAY FOR A SMALL FORTUNE NOW LETS GET OUT OF HERE.

As the gang run down the steps Fingers nearly drops the leather jacket when SNOWY BITES HIS TROUSER LEG leaving only when the dog has bitten a small chunk out of his new denim slacks from Materlan.

FINGERS     grab the jacket while I get this dog off my trouser leg .
He throw’s the leather jacket to HANDS, AS the gang make there escape down the man hole into the sewers and head for the PENGIUN’S HIDE OUT.

BATMAN

In the suburbs of Gotham city stands Wayne manor, home of millionaire Bruce Wayne. After successfully catching criminals His other pursuit of Crime fighting has made way for a celebrity playboy philanthropist while managing Wayne enterprises.

In the main reception room Bruce Wayne is looking at the days schedule while scanning the morning papers when  his man servant Alfred lets in a middle aged woman saying Aunt Agatha for you master Bruce.

A middle aged woman comes into the room and is greeted by Bruce with [ aunt Agatha how nice to see you, and you look so much better after your holiday]

AUNT AGETHA         Yes Bruce the cruise around the virgin islands was fabulous darling and I recovered from dental treatment before boarding   but all the while I was thinking of my cat JACOB, and how he was enjoying his holiday here with you.

He gives his aunt a chair and asks Alfred to page his ward  dick Grayson.

BRUCE WAYNE      Yes Aunt Agatha he is in tip top condition and has had the run of the whole estate. Should be ready for  GOTHAM PET SHOW today and Dick has volunteered to take him on the assault course.

AUNT AGETHA     with your help I want JACOB TO WIN THE cat show at Gotham exhibition center

As Alfred leaves the back door of the main building he hears a shout from the edge of the estate.

DICK GRAYSON         I can hear you Alfred ,walk towards me

Alfred steps along the back footpath off the estate saying [realy  master dick how can you hear me from the edge of the grounds]

Dick is sitting under a horse chestnut tree with JACOB, aunt agetha’s cat perched on his leg with headphones on.

DICK GRAYSON         with these new high pick up audio device I can hear a pin drop in the garage alfred

ALFRED        Master Bruce’s aunt has arrived to take the cat to the pet show.

He strolled through the carpet of horse chestnuts with the cat purched on his shoulder and heads for the garage

DICK GRAYSON         I can here the couple next door arguing about a shopping trip from here , a sure sign of a marriage breakup. can you get the cat basket from garage and I’ll come in.

BATMAN

At the art college Phil is waiting patiently for the end of class as DIANA BUNKER walks the length of the room handing out assignments. When she reaches Phil she places the A4 sheet on his work station and he spies her lucky charm necklace nestled snugly between her warm globes of delight.
DIANA BUNCKER so I expect this assignment ready for when the vice chancellor comes to vist you on Monday Mr Rucket.
She carries on to the end of the row of desks
PHILL yes miss i’ll have my assignment prepared. He collects the assignment paper , stowing it with his tupwerware box in his duffel bag and walks out of the class room. Then he weaves through the student body along the brightly lit corridor to a stairwell and down to the back of the building , collecting his bike.
He puts down his duffel bag and unlocks the bike as  Diana buncker comes along with a  green plastic anerac and a feather duster ,  on her way to the car park.

Phill rides out the main gates and takes a left and then into the grounds of the DOG AND DUCK PUB, where he locks the bike and enters.
There is a healthy trade of people enjoying an afternoon pint and his attention is drawn to a large fireplace, where a man is singing an old sea shanttie.

Haddock RAMBLIN RWECK FROM GEORGEA TECH WAS A HEC OF AND ENGINEER
He’s very laud and the other patrons cower behind there beer glass’s

HADOCK                             FETCH ME one of those chairs Tin Tin, these old sea legs are getting stiff and the open fire is too hot.

Tin tin comes over from the bar with a stool saying [ I’m still worried about snowy captain, he’s got lost in this large city and we’ll never find him ]
HADOCK                   That mut has been on board the Jolly Roger for two weeks and wants to stay on dry land for the rest of his days i recon. You won’t see him again now you go and refill our glass’s

Phill seizes his moment and walks up to the captain and Tin tin saying [ if your worried about a lost pet then I’m an experienced pet detective, ex CSI , worked with pathologists, and have connections to the precinct.] he show’s the two weary seamen his card.

HADOCK      this card is for SPATUALA VILLAGE, a hardware store in the high street shipmate.

PHILL           No this one,        he says snatching the card from out of the captains hand and replacing it with PHIL GREEN pet detective.

BATMAN

Max has crawled out from under one of the display cases with a hankerchief over his nose and makes for his key coder by the main doors saying [keep calm please  the emergency services are on there way] He puts his key in and turns off the alarm, releasing the steel shutters which slide back to let in the morning light. Two of his staff come in and show guests out into reception

MAX CHEESE BECONS OVER the chawala from the drinks kiosks saying [ the police will be on there way chawala, give our guests a drink and keep them together while I phone our sponsores and tell them of the theft.

He goes direct to his office to phone SELINA KYLE over at the HELLENA NATIONAL FORREST.

BATMAN

SELINA Kyle  enters her office and hangs her coat up next to a framed picture of the historic SCARMAN EXHIBITION to Egypt , and stops to admire her great grandmother against the backdrop of king tut’s pyramid.  The last of the family fortune came from that daring trek and she recalls how it had caused her much turmoil and a life of crime. At her desk she finds a birthday card and letter from PETER ELGIN, of global chemicals.

DEAR SELINA,

Glad I could help with your release and you are back with us at GLOBAL.   Your family was very upset and called on me immediately after your arrest and I was pleased to have helped.

I’m inviting global execuatives to Scotland next month and your invited so try to  stay out of trouble until then

Yours PETER ELGIN

The phone rings and max tells her of the theft  saying [ I thought you should be informed immediately as it was your kind loan to the musuim Selina ]

Selina gets up and opens the blinds of her office revealing the morning and the sun shining off the large lake between large poplar trees.

SELINA KYLE       Dam,yes you did the right thing Max give a full statement to the police and I’ll come over later.

She hangs up and presses the intercome button  saying [ Nephatite can you come in here now I’ve an emergency]

She calls Bill at the café saying, [your in charge until we get back bill I’m takeing time out] then joins her second at the lobby and then out into the morning sunshine.

NEPHATITE  what’s the emergency Selina.

SELINA         It will all start again if I don’t get that leather JACKET BACK.

They start walking along a footpath leading to the car park and then over the loose gravel to her car.

SELINA  Your with me until I get that exhibit back , Elisabeth, god knows it’s the core of my very being.

She drives out of the car park and heads for town saying [ you and me are going to find the PENGUINS HIDEOUT and I know who he works with .

NEPHATITE  I’t’s not going to be dangerous is it Selina

SELINA  I’f you stick with me and follow my lead we’ll find out from BOSS HOGG, the chief racketeer of GOTHAM CITY,at one of his gambling joints so lets go get our glam rags on.

BATMAN

Back at the hall of ancient antiquities the police have arrived and are taking statements from all witness’s when chief commissioner Gordon and chief o’hara pull up.

Chief commissioner Gordon  It’s undeniably the work of the arch criminal penguin, and the press will be focusing there greedy eye’s on the theft. You know they’ll be banging on my door as soon as

CHIEF O’HARA          yes and we will be expected to catch the penguin and his gang red handed.

Chief commissioner Gordon  find out all you can about the theft and report back to me in my offices this afternoon chief.

JUST THEN one of ther men comes around the corner with SNOWY, saying this dog has been around here and has a piece of cloth from the penguins gang.

Chief commissioner Gordon        clearly it grabed one off the henchmen as they made there getaway

CHIEFO’HARA    YES commissioner, eye witness reports that the gang came from this sewer cover here and escaped the same way , but the corse of the river fleets runs straight under the main road, and from here they could escape in different directions.

BATMAN

MEANWHILE  over in the community centre the annual pet show has started the obstacle course

BRUCE WAYNE         well AUNT AGETHA, this is where you get your moneys worth.

DICK GRAYSON opens the cat box and HENRY comes bounding out and towards the first hurdle leaping over the fence and then jumping the catnip wall and clawing his way up then through a water barrel, Dick running alongside him. DICK KNEELS DOWN and shouts encouragement to HENRY and then the cat leaps across a 2 foot rafven over a small tray of water bounding over the finish line to a chearing crowd of gotham city spectators

As dick shows HENRY to the judges planel bruces phone rings

BRUCE WAYNE   YES ALFRED

ALFRED        cHIEF COMISSIONER GORDON HAS JUST PHONED master bruce saying there has been a theft at the hall of ancient antiquties.          there prize exibit from the egyptian section

BRUCE WAYNE   Great Scott that’s cat woman’s leather jacket passed down through the family from the famouse SCARMAN EXHIBITION OF 1907

ALFREAD     Presicly master Bruce  and he wants you and the boy wonder over at the museum immediatly.

BRUCE WAYNE         You come and pick up Aunt Agetha and me and dick will come back right now.

BATMAN

AT THE EAST SIDE OF TOWN IN THE CAVERN NIGHTCLUB

Selina kyle and nephatite, waltz down the steps to a crowded main stage and over to an alcove seat.

SELINA  trust me ELISABETH I WORKED WITH THE BOSS HERE, and he’ll send his men out shortly from the office in back after giving his orders..

NEPHATITE  I don’t mix with the criminal classes Selina and I might not be of any use  to you

SELINA  in that dress, I just need you to show a mesmurising front wonce I’ve found my informant. If the penguin is hiring hench men then they,ll have worked here and I’ll recognize them

JUST THEN THE OFFICE DOOR OPENS and three men come out dressed in business suits with trilby hats and suitcases.

SELINA         THE ONE ON THE RIGHT NEPHATITE, they’ll split when they get outside and we can collar him.

NEPHATITE         are you sure

SELINA  IT’S THE OLD PROTECTION RACKET GAL, THEY JUST repackaged for modern times

They follow the men out the main entrance and watch when there subject takes an alley to the off road multi story car park.

SELINA         DO YOUR dizzy airhead impression as he gets his keys out and I,ll grab him.

NAPHATITE leans on selina’s sholder as they walk up to the ASTIN MARTIN and waves a compact powder at the hench man blinding him immediately then selina darts him with her stilettos.

SELINA         ok hands , where’s fingers and the rest of your gross misconducts. That leather jacket has bin in my family since aunty pat found it in king tut’s toom now spill the beans.

HANDS        ok lady I’m chocking, now let me up and a wiff of cordite and I’m oot of here.

THE  succsessfull duo SELINA AND NEPHASTITE get into there FORD ORION parked next to it

SELINA guns the engine drives out of the car park at break neck speed.

SELINA  THE  penguin has found a new base of operations at the harbour NEPHATITE, AND THAT’S WHERE WE ARE GOING, now hoist up your skirts

BATMAN

the sun is setting as SELINA parks at the harbour and they walk to a warehouse or the harbor front crouching down at the window and peak in

it is dark inside accept one of the PEMGUINS HENCHMEN sitting on guard

SELINA  RIGHT THEN NEPHATITE you wait for me to knock him and come in ,

NEPHATITE         why don’t you use your compact to blind him like at the inferno club

SELINA THESE ARE hard men girl get ready

She climbs the guttering to the skylight window and opens it decending on a rope then jumps on the mans back       NEPHATITE runs into the warehouse as Slina wRithes to gain balance and is thrown into crates      The man advances on the wounded girl and Nephateti sprays him with hairspray just as selina throws her foundation in his face. the man recoils desabled and blinded and the girls finish him off with high kicks

SELINA  START TIGHING HIM UP NEPHATITE

SELINa  where do i get into the underground headquarters Murfy,

Murfy    it’s over there let me out of here

They pull up a man hole cover and climb down a ladder where they are greated with light reflected off the water and the distant sound of the penguins gang   They make there way along the sewers to a cathedral size chasm with the men camped around , with the penguin over at the far side.

Selina    ok penguin the game is up , give me back the family jewels and i ‘ll spare you a long stretch in prison.

PENGUIN     look at this boys our catwoman has returned

SELINA  it’s not like the old days penguin, i’m lucky to have got out when i could

PENGUIN     Poor little rich girl got lucky again and doesn’t wanna be with us     don’t you think we didn’t know this before out daring raid on the musium

HE MOTIONS TO HIS LEFT WHERE A GROUP OF MEN START DOWN A SIDE TUNNEL , and go to ambush the girls.

SELINA         Was it jelousy PENGUIN OR do you want me back with the gang like the old days.

PENGUIN     i’m just glad you graced us with your presence tonight girl, i have a buyer coming hear in the morning and you wont see any of us for a long time.

The small group come out of a side tunnel and grab the girls and bring them to the back of the penguins hideout

PENGUIN     well done my boys tie them up and we’ll wait for our buyer to arrive.

BATMAN

Bruce wayne and dick grayson make it back to stately wayne manor and slide down the bat pole.  They change into batman and robin and then climb  straight into the bat mobile. Batman guns the engine and the car charges out of the batcave and onto the highway INTO GOTHEM

BRUCE WAYNE         The scarman exhibition was selina kyles obsession .  She has only just got over her last bought of nymphomania and now this.

ROBIN          yes it’s so true , boy happy memories

BRUCE WAYNE         That’s why I want to get the exhibit back before she finds out.

the batmobile parks outside the musium and they find comissioner gordon

BATMAN     what have you got for us chief

CHIEF O’HARA        a party of guests where locked in while the gang made there getaway. When we arrived we found this dog outside , and eye whitness’s say he attacked one of the criminals as they made there escape.

commissioner Gordon.          Well done batman you made it before the 6oclock news.      I’ve just given a statement to the press . The gang left the hall of ancient antiqueties and ran along until they disappeared into the sewers.

CHIEF O’HARA   yes batman and from there the trail goes cold apart from this piece of cloth torn off the hench man carrying the prize.

BATMAN      I want to get that piece of cloth back to my laboratory for analasis,

BACK IN THE DOG AND DUCK PUB

CAPTAIN HADOCK    if it will stop you from worrying lad I’ll come with you and phill here      it’s taken you long enough to get your sea legs

PHILL     I’ll take around the local dog pound

Tit tin   LETS GO

THEY walk out of the pub and cross the  street with a group of people in the mid morning traffic, then take the  metro to the dog pound and find snowy in the far kennel

TIN TIN he’s my dog and if that’s the case you’ll need me can you find out what’s happening

Boss      I’M SORRY  but this dog is part of a criminal investigation over the theft of a priceless Egyptian artifact.

BOSS     COME TO THE office and I’ll ring the police precinct.

In a small cabin the tv is showing a report of the theft outside the musuim

Tin #Tin and captain hadock walk out of the dog pound with snowy then start towards the docks ,where the good ship jolly roger is waiting

 

BATMAN

IN THE BATCAVE*

BATMAN     If my analasis is correct robin this cloth came from someone residing near the harbor.

ROBIN   SO the penguin has moved his hideout  lets get to the batmobile

BATMAN     I’LL GET SOME MEN from the chief and scouwer  the area.

BATMANAt the warehouse fingers jumps down when the police get near the entrance and reports to his boss

BATMAN     no sign yet robin

ROBIN          HOLY JUMPING CATFISH

BATMAN     what about them robin

ROBIN          with my new snooping secret microphone I’m picking up the gang from underneath that hatchway BATMAN

BATMAN  gets a crow bar from his utility belt and prises open the hatch down a ladder and jumps the last few feet to the ground.

BATMAN     ehh that’s torn it robin

ROBIN          WHAT BATMAN

BATMAN     my new uniform, jump down carefully

They walk the short shallow tunnel until it connects with the cavern and immediately take in the scene before them .

ROBIN   Commando tactics or shall we announce ourselves this time .

BATMAN     Just follow me Robin

They step one foot inside the large underground cavern and motion detectors set off an alarm waking the penguins gang.

Penguin       Well if it ain’t the batman and boy wonder mates just as the sun is rising and we is makin a clean getaway.

CATWOMAN      Get me out of here batman

ROBIN   Why you she devil the nymphomania worn off

BATMAN     and so close to your family leather jacket that has stimualated your family since the PHAROH’S

Catwoman         Power you barely understand or the boy wonder, OSIRIS

The ancient jacket starts to rise from its display case and fly towards the dynamic dio entangling them in its arms

CATWOMAN      HA HA   I’m back with the boy’s again

They escape and follow the penguin out        where he climbs aboard a small boat and rows towards the jolly roger

BATMAN

On board the jolly roger Tin tin is listening to captain haddock explain the meaning of sailing this that and cargo with phil and his wife Margery enjoying the cool evening air as the penguin rows up with catwoman.

PHILL     see Mirium you should stop worryings I said I would be home this evening

PENGUIN     ahoy there were are ship wrecked mariners

Invigorated with the new power of OSIRIS catwoman overpowers Phill and Mirium and the penguin threatens captain haddock with his poison dart umbrella

TIN TIN it’s not raining is it snowy come in

PENGUIN     unless you want to end up like old nick here start the engins

HADOCK      no way

The power of OSIRIS is strong and the engines start controlled by the will of catwoman

BATMAN      that ship it very fast robin       we’ll never catch it

ROBIN   it’s a sinch , the bat speed boat is around the next jetty next to the Queen AgnesBrown

BATMAN

BACK AT THE HELLENA NATIONAL FORREST   selina kyle sits at her desk.

SELINA KYLE TO PETER ELGIN

Head of global chemicals

DEAR PETER

I’ll be joining you in Scotland for your execuative relief, as you may have heared I may need counciling again.

Bruce wayne and dick grayson walk through with snowy.

WAYNE        hope the captain and his crew have a safe voyage

GRAYSON    that’s right after saving the day once more

WAYNE  Let’s just hope the power of OSIRIS doesn’t become too strong next time BATMAN

WAYNE          how about you take snowy back to the harbour and i catch up with selina

ROBIN     THE HELLENA NATIONAL FOREST NEVER LOOKED NICER DID IT

THE END ?

 

CHAPTER 2- TROUBLE IN TOWN

RETURN TO  ATLANTIS, PT2

boston saloon

The TWO MEN WALK through the shop into the room at the back and take seats at a table

WYATT      now we can speak in private Doc, I can’t go over to the saloon as I’ll get into trouble, though I’d like you to go over there, as per usual , and if your not satisfied with them sailors attitude call me over.

DOC       You’ll have more help as the Brits are being watched by young Adam and some of the guys with COLUMBO.

WYATT EURP      well if we are all together, lets get over there and sample the hospitality, that German piano player and singer are very entertaining.

They leave the dentists and walk the terrace , entering the saloon by the louver door, where they immediately see MISS KATE, at the bar near the piano.

Wild_West_Bdrop_620

She startles, and tells them to go, not wanting any trouble.

The group of sailors are enjoying the music, and Wyatt and Doc holiday go up to the bar and order a drink.  Miss Kate comes over to them,[ I have to be here to keep them happy, but I don’t want know trouble ]  she points to a table on the other side of the saloon where four men are seated

RED JASPER      Some more of this fine broth and more ale, wench for a weary sailor who hasn’t seen a woman since he set sail

CAPTAIN PUGWASH       yes the kings shilling to the hostess, and make it snappy.

Wyatt and Doc Holiday take there drinks and walk over to the booth where four cowboys are stationed, keeping an eye on the sailors.

ADAM STERLING      Glad you turned up , the first mate has taken the only hostess upstairs, and I’m here to keep an eye for COLUMBO and see him at the Coach house later.

WYATT     YES THOUGH now there are a group of us, I won’t sit here if they turn ugly.

DOC HOLIDAY      Yes I ‘ve been waiting to see what these sailor are like, they think they own the town.

Miss Kate gets more food from the kitchen and comes over to serve, and from the gantry above, a laud cry can be heard as Bloodaxe comes out shouting [ that was a fine time for a weary traveller captain, you must sample the delights of the girls here ]

Bloodaxe comes down the stairs to join his shipmates [what of you Questor, ready to loose your cherry to a southern gal ]

QUESTOR      It would be the first time for me Captain, and I’m feeling better after the long voyage.

CAPTAIN PUGWASH        that’s right lad, dry land and good living puts lead in your pencil, now I’ll give the hostess another of the kings shillings and you can go on up to the chambers.

As Miss Kate brings the food [that pleasure is off the menu tonight lads, be happy with more ale on the house ]

BLOODAXE        The mayor has given us leave young woman, and this lad can’t be denied after a long sea JOURNEY, with only rum and dreams of fair maidens for company.

He pulls Miss Kate towards him and she spills ale down his back [unhand me Sir]

Wyatt EURP ,  gets up saying [WOOPSE APOCOLYPSE , now leave the lady alone or come outside with me Bloodaxe, I’ll shoot you dead ]

PUGWASH       What’s this a cowboy who wants to be clapped in irons,  you carry on , and let the people enjoy these music.

He goes over and pull Miss Kate free of the clutches of the barbaric sailor, and the cowboys draw there pistols and come over.[Miss Kate is my girlfriend and I won’t see her or her staff used by any British without manors}

RED JASPER       Boy run and tell the Marshal, we’ll get these men behind bars for the night and carry on enjoying the day.

[no you won’t you drunken sea dog] he pulls the Captain from his wooden chair and marches him out of the saloon and the others order the other three out at gun point.

boston saloon

[Shut up the bar Kate,]

Outside the four sailors are pushed through the front doors into the street with [ now start walking back to your ship,]

PUGWASH      You go over to the Marshals boy and then meet up back at the harbour, you boys have made yourselves trouble.

[Katie shut the place and come with us, ]

ADAM STERLING    Yes we can hold up in the coach house until COLUMBO, and Thomas arrive, he can talk to the marshal .

Leitenant Columbo

UP IN THE CAVES TO THE WEST OF THE HARBOUR, Colombo is inspecting the Sea Devil hideaway with THOMAS.

COLUMBO     The gold will soon be loaded and you can get help from us to raid the Galion, but we’ll need time to form a plan.

THOMAS PAIN    ey they charge heavy taxes for there cargo and it will cripple our economy, though I can’t get support for a raid on the ship unless there’s a good chance of success.

Sea_Devil_says_hiICHTAR comes back into the main cavern with some more SEADVEVILS,each carrying a strange side arm, and a holster untility belt rapped around there midriff.  There light webbing coverall is over the weapons.

Our father who art in heaven hallowed by they name, thy kingdom come, they work be done as earth as it is in heaven

ICHTAR        My sea devils are ready to swim out to the good ship ESPERANTO, and take the gold when the Earthlings finish loading,

THOMAS PAIN, YES well now COLUMBO, this is a turn up for the books isn’t it

COLUMBO       THIS WILL send a rocket up the kings arse and no mistake sun

JEFFERSON      I WAS JUST ABOUT TO PUT MY SWAGGER STICK WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE WHEN THIS BLUE BAG SPLIT AT THE HANDLE.

Bejamin FRANKLIN     Is that so my dear fellow, I would get on to the manuafacturers old man

MARK EDWARDS,              And I’m not voting conservative if I have to join my fishy friends here.

Sea_Devil_says_hi

ICHTAR      

COLUMBO       Tell you what I’ll do fish face, you wait until this evening, and I’ll contct you on this new gadget, then me and the lads will find out if them Sailors behaved themselves in town.

BENGAMIN FRANKLIN,       Yes if they’ve made Miss Kate keep her doors open late then by jingo you can shoot them all with your ray guns.

ICHTAR      It is agreed , YOU MIGHT NOT HEAR FROM US AGAIN,

250px-Charles_Darwin_Research_Station

END OF CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER 1

ONCE IN royal David’s city stood a lonely cattle shed, where a mother laid her baby in a mainger for his head, Mary was that mother mild, Jesus christ her little child,

and he leads his children on,

the mongoose vs te rattle snake, heaD HELED high touch the sky

my hart will always be, have you ever seen you be rescue aid society, head held high touch the sky, my hart will always be.

 

 

THIS WORK OF FICTION IS PRODUCED ON A REMMINGTON TYPEWRITER ON BLACK INK

Image

the Galion ship Esperanto sails into Boston harbour after a long voyage from Cellon, carrying its consignment of tea.

CAPTAIN PUGWASH      Way the anchor me harties we is going ashore to sample the brothels so we are

RED JASPER        THAT’S CORRECT YOU SWABS that will cure the scurvy and rickets

QUESTOR        cast the main sail and let slip the dogs of war

BLOODAXE       shut it questor you great wet lettuce, I’m going to sample some Boston squaws and make a tea pea,

RED JASPER     you do that the scurvy dog, and you’ll end up with a tomahawk through your gizzard, them red skins don’t like you running off with there squars especially if there sue Indians.

PUGWASH     And you don’t want to be scalped by a Comanche, now lower the boat and lets be on our way,

QUESTOR      can I row you in the boat, captain.

RED JASPER      that you can matey, and i’ll be alongside egging you on, [he walks up the deck past the main sail and onto the flight deck where BLOODAXE is at the steering wheel.

RED JASPER    WHAT HO NAIVE, you coming with me and the lads

BLOODAXE     THERE IS AN I’LL WIND COMMING jasper, I better tag along and keep you and the captain out of trouble

RED JASPER takes the spyglass offered to him by the ships cabin boy and focuses on the harbour. [There seams to be a reception committee waiting for us captain]

Pugwash       As long as we have our gold shipmates when we get ashore now look alive,

Pugwash 2

The boat splashes into the choppy water of the harbour and Questo sails JASPER and PUGWASH over to the key side, where there are hands waiting for them, and the major of BOSTON HAS A PARADE.

As the boat makes it to the jetty the band begins to play and there is laughter and merriment.

The boat pulls alongside and the six men climb up a rope ladder and are helped ashore, by deck hands.

PUGWASH      HELLO ME HARTIES, it’s me with a cargo load of tea from china

BLOODAXE       PEAKING TO BE PRESICE

A LARGE CROUD HAS GATHERED AROUIND THE DOCKSIDE AND ARE ENJOYING THE AFTTERNOON WHEN THE MAYOR SAYS “we welcome Captain Pugwash back to our fair city”

PUGWASH      Thank you major now i’ll be here all day and I want the good ship Esperanto, loaded and ready to sail tomorrow, me and me men are going into town to wet our whistles, and I set sail tomorrow.

The major [there cheers for Captain Pugwash , hip hip horray ]

The gang of sailors says farwell to the crowd and walks the cobbled streets into town  ,and from a side street they are observed by a group of Americans wearing preaches and bandanas around there necks.

Image

COLUMBO        Alright Thomas you got me here, and I’m not happy with them brits walking in here and taking what they want, especially with Miss Kate having to open her doors for them, or the mayor pulls her licence.

THOMAS PAIN       these are the royals we have to show elegance to, and the mayor has already band me from public meetings.

ADAM STERLING     Yes the brits want a high price for there cargo, when we could keep the gold and buy direct from peaking ourselves.

COLOMBO      keep a close eye on them ADAM, I’LL STAY WITH MY JOURNALIST FRIEND, now follow those sailors and report back to me, at the black swan PUBLIC HOUSE. I’ll be there this evening, and if there is any trouble then we shall be ready.

THOMAS PAIN    The Mayor will be wanting me for handing out these pamphlets at the welcoming ceremony, though he can’t act on it he’ll be keeping an eye on me from now on,

[ADAM, and three mates follow the group of sailors along the cobbled streets into town.]

[COLUMBO PULLS HIS OVER COAT AROUND and follows THOMAN PAIN. They walk past the assembled crud and take the path up to the hills outside town along the shore line towards the cliffs

COLUMBO     so my men will observe the brits ,and make sure my miss Kate doesn’t have to put up with them more than necessary, now who are we going to see now

THOMAS PAIN      Prepare to be amazed, I have made some astounding allies to the cause of freedom.  So don’t get scared when you see creatures from another realm.

The sailors soon get into town , where they are greeted with polite greetings from the town folk.

boston saloon

PUGWASH                Well me hearties consider yourselves at home, I have this fair town in the palm of my hand so I do, but you is to be discreet about your person.

BLOODAXE             eye eye captain, I want ale, grub and women, I been at sea for a month.

RED JASPER         so do I mate, but I don’t want to get into a fight  and be put in the cells.

PUGWASH        I been here before now follow me to MISS KATIES, where the bear is strong, and the comfort is warm and obliging to weary travellers.

They walk down the road whistling a happy tune and then step up the terraces and then enter the saloon belonging to MISS KATIE. There are a small number of customers at the bar, some from the outlying farms.

In one of the alcove seats a large man is seated next to the hostess, a willowy blond with a fine satin dress.

MISS KATIE             now don’t start any trouble there, WYATT these are the kings men, and the mayor gives them privileges, now wish me luck

Wild_West_Bdrop_620

The girl gets up and comes to the centre of the bar saying [what will it be boys ]

BLOODAXE   we want ale to start and then some entertainment.

PUGWASH  EY THAT’S RIGHT , I have the cargo from my ship, unloading at the harbour right now, and me and me lads want to enjoy your hospitality. Now you carry on playing and singing while we have a drink.

The musicians resume there recital of an old German ballad as the four sailors sit and one of the serving girls comes over from behind the bar with there drinks. As she serves she is groped by BLOODAXE,  who says [can I take this girl upstairs captain]

The captain beckons over the hostess who  arrives and accepts a royal coin, [ there my dear accept the kings royal sovereign and give Bloodaxe here what he wants.

She accepts the coin and puts it in here purse and then turns to see WYATT ERP, [ I’m going out for some fresh air, but I won’t go too far] and he leaves the bar and turns right up the main street.

After a short while he gets past the general store to the new dentist surgery and walks in. [ doc you in there, I need some company for a while ] the door at the back of the shop opens and a middle ages man with a small beard and dark suit comes out,

DOC HOLIDAY      I was just closing up WYATT, and planning to go over to MISS KATIES, that new musician has a sweet voice.

WYATT ERP     Hold your horses there Doc, in case you didn’t know the Royal ship has arrived and the men have come into to town as expected. That’s why I left and I was hopping to spend a while here in case MISS KATIE needs me.

DOC HOLIDAY       Smart move WYATT, there’s room in the back and some of my whisky so come right in.

 

A cave in the rock face, where he takes a smouldering torch hanging at the side of the cave mouth and starts a slow journey descending into the rock face]

After ten minutes of slow progress along ate tunnel they walks out into a central cavern lit with natural phosphorescence. They are greeted by a group of alien creatures with fishy scales and light blue webbing. They stand taller than a man and are known as SEA DEVILS

Image

THERE LEADER TURNS AROUND FROM his control unit as the two travellers come into the cavern.

Ichtar     greetings a salutations Thomas, we have been monitoring your progress. Who is your friend?

THOMAS PAIN      COLUMBO he owns the rum and raisin public house in town and wants to know of your plans.

ICHTAR      My sea devil warriors are at your service,

COLUMBO     ye gads they are monsters,

THOMAS PAIN    yes yesy yes, they might be slimy fish scaled animals, but its common sense and they are willing so I me them at a conservative rally last month and they can start the revolution

COLUMBO     if we hijack PUGWASHES SHIP and throw the cargo off the side the king will be up in arms and it will be war, but I swear if they upset my miss katty and make her open late i’ll get my men and swim out to the ESPERANTO myself.

Ichtar

Image

RETURN TO ATLANTIS

 

 

esperanto

The Galion ship Esperanto sails into Boston harbour after a long voyage from Cellon, carrying its consignment of tea.

CAPTAIN JESOP      Way the anchor me harties we is going ashore to sample the brothels so we are.

RED JASPER        THAT’S CORRECT YOU SWABS that will cure the scurvy and rickets

QUESTOR        Cast the main sail and let slip the dogs of war

BLOODAXE       Shut it questor you great wet lettuce, I’m going to sample some Boston squaws and make a tea pea,

RED JASPER     You do that the scurvy dog, and you’ll end up with a tomahawk through your gizzard, them red skins don’t like you running off with there squars especially if there sue Indians.

JESOP     And you don’t want to be scalped by a Comanche, now lower the boat and lets be on our way,

QUESTOR      Can I row you in the boat, captain.

RED JASPER      That you can matey, and i’ll be alongside egging you on, [he walks up the deck past the main sail and onto the flight deck where BLOODAXE is at the steering wheel.

RED JASPER    WHAT HO NAIVE, you coming with me and the lads

BLOODAXE     THERE IS AN I’LL WIND COMMING jasper, I better tag along and keep you and the captain out of trouble.

RED JASPER takes the spyglass offered to him by the ships cabin boy and focuses on the harbour. [There seams to be a reception committee waiting for us captain]

Jesop       As long as we have our gold shipmates when we get ashore now look alive,

 

Pugwash 2

The boat splashes into the choppy water of the harbour and Questor sails JASPER and JESOP over to the key side, where there are hands waiting for them, and the major of BOSTON HAS A PARADE.

As the boat makes it to the jetty the band begins to play and there is laughter and merriment.

The boat pulls alongside and the six men climb up a rope ladder and are helped ashore, by deck hands.

JESOP      HELLO ME HARTIES, it’s me with a cargo load of tea from china

BLOODAXE       PEAKING TO BE PRESICE

A LARGE CROUD HAS GATHERED AROUIND THE DOCKSIDE AND ARE ENJOYING THE AFTTERNOON WHEN THE MAYOR SAYS “we welcome Captain Jesop back to our fair city”

JESOP      Thank you major now i’ll be here all day and I want the good ship Esperanto, loaded and ready to sail tomorrow, me and me men are going into town to wet our whistles, and I set sail tomorrow.

The major [there cheers for Captain Jesop , hip hip horray ]

The gang of sailors says farwell to the crowd and walks the cobbled streets into town  ,and from a side street they are observed by a group of Americans in native garments,

 

SAM PARKHILL        Alright Thomas you got me here, and I’m not happy with them Brits walking in here and taking what they want, especially with Miss Kate having to open her doors for them, or the mayor pulls her licence.

THOMAS PAIN       These are the royals we have to show elegance to, and the mayor has already band me from public meetings.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN             Yes well you are in your rights of free speech but the marshall does not want anti royalists campaining under his jurisdiction, especially when the british navy are in town.

SAM PARKHILL        Having you friends with Jefferson in town will make sherriff Welch even more upset

ADAM STERLING     Yes the brits want a high price for there cargo, when we could keep the gold and buy direct from peaking ourselves.

SAM PARKHILL      keep a close eye on them ADAM, I’LL STAY WITH MY JOURNALIST FRIEND, now follow those sailors and report back to me, at the salloon. I’ll be there this evening, and if there is any trouble then we shall be ready.

THOMAS PAIN    already threatened to write a damming article to The Mayor will be wanting me for handing out these pamphlets exposing the authorities control and tax collection within the state. at the welcoming ceremony, though he can’t act on it he’ll be keeping an eye on me from now on,

SAM PARKHILL       yES and that pamphlet will set the locals tougues wagging and there’s an election comming up tomas, your in a lot of trouble.

 

COMMON SENCE THOMAS PAIN

of feeling; of which Class, regardless of Party Censure, is the AUTHOR

SAM PARKHILL         I’LL COME WITH YOU , though i’ll be away from the bar while the british navy is in town. you know what to do adam.

ADAM STWERLING      Yes Sam i’ll see you by the coach house after the bar has closed.

[ADAM, and three mates follow the group of sailors along the cobbled streets into town.]

[SAM PARKHILL PULLS HIS OVER COAT AROUND and follows THOMAN PAIN and BEJAMIN FRANKLIN. They walk past the assembled crowd at the dockside where a market festival is still on and take the path up to the hills outside town along the shore line towards the cliffs.

SAM PARKHILL     So my men will observe the brits ,and make sure my miss Kate doesn’t have to stay open late , now who are we going to see now.

THOMAS PAIN      Prepare to be amazed Sam, I have made some astounding allies to the cause of freedom.  So don’t get scared when you enter the the cave it the base of the cliff face yonder.

They take a path along the shore line and up towards the cave then enter ,collecting tourches hanging from the side.

THOMAS PAIN              After our last election rally I came for a moonlit walk along the shore line and met the leader of a marine species that have a base out at sea, and they said they wanted to capture a british sailing ship.

The three men traverse the slippery cave floor carrying there tourches until they sea a light ahead of them from a cavern.

SAM PARKHILL       that’s a light up ahead

THOMAS PAIN {Yes could be a smuggling party Sam it’s not that i’m a coward but NEAT BLOOD BRINGS ME OUT IN A RASH }

After ten minutes of slow progress along the tunnel they walks out into a central cavern lit with natural phosphorescence. They are greeted by a group of alien creatures with fishy scales and light blue webbing. They stand taller than a man and are known as SEA DEVILS

THOMAS PAIN              greetings and salutations ICHTAR, I HAVE BROUGH my friend who will decide if we need your help with the BRITSH.

ISHTAR              welcome Thomas, my sea devil warriors are at your disposal, and we want the gold shipment.

They follow the alien creature into a dimly lit cavern illuminated with a large viewing screen showing  the harbour and the ship out in the bay set against the setting sun.

Sea_Devil_says_hi

THOMAS PAIN              For thousands of years the sea devils have observed us very rarely contacting humans , only now deciding to take back the gold which has been mined of resent years on the west coast of this country.

Other sea devils maning computers VDU’s and coming in and out of side tunnels.

ISHTAR This is correct Thomas, our kingdom is down near the southern land mass where we have a group of my bretheren on the sea bed , many in cryogenic sleep awaiting revivication.

SAM PARKHILL             This is all incredible Tom but it does not realy concern me and the tradesman in town does it.

FRANKLIN       And i can’t get implicated in mutiny against his majisties property , Thomas, i won’t jepadise my position.

TOMAS PAIN  We don’t need to get caught plotting against the king now men, one sight of these marine creatures and those sailors will not blame us. Becides ICHTAR and his worriors have assured me they will not make any moves unless we tell them . isn’t that so ICHTAR.

ISHTAR              My people have been observing your race since they came out of hibernation and voud not to contact or raid your lands unless you wanted our assistance , and your dispute with the sailors from across the ocean is a golden opertunity to seaze the precious metals resently dig out of the ground.,

SAM PARKHILL             you must mean the gold rush along the Californian coast and in the south. Well it will

ICHTAR comes back into the main cavern with some more SEADVEVILS,each carrying a strange side arm, and a holster untility belt rapped around there midriff.  There light webbing coverall is over the weapons.

THOMAS PAIN    yes yesy yes, they might be slimy fish scaled animals, but its common sense and they are willing so I me them at a conservative rally last month and they can start the revolution

SAM PARKHILL     if we hijack JESOPES SHIP and throw the cargo off the side the king will be up in arms and it will be war, but I swear if they upset my miss katty and make her open late i’ll get my men and swim out to the ESPERANTO myself. Tell you what I’ll do fish face, you wait until this evening, and I’ll contact you on this new gadget, then me and the lads will find out if them Sailors behaved themselves in town.

ICHTAR      It is agreed , YOU MIGHT NOT HEAR FROM US AGAIN,

CAPTAIN JESOP and his men sailors soon get into town , where they are greeted with polite greetings from the town folk.[ here we are in Boston town men, you been with me before haven’y you Jasper.

RED JASPER that i have cvaptain, and i can’t wait to wet me whistle and forget those long evenings in strong gails and choppy seas.

QUESTOR         though me and the men where glad you where there keeping our spirits up on the voyage Jasper.

The townsfolk try to ignore the laud sailors as they walk down the street to the far side of town heading for the saloon at the other end.

 

JESOP                Well me hearties consider yourselves at home, I have this fair town in the palm of my hand so I do, but you is to be discreet about your person.

BLOODAXE             eye eye captain, I want ale, grub and women, I been at sea for a month.

JESOP        I been here before now follow me to MISS KATIES, where the bear is strong, and the comfort is warm and obliging to weary travellers.

They walk down the road whistling a happy tune and then step up the terraces and then enter the saloon belonging to MISS KATIE. There are a small number of customers at the bar, some from the outlying farms.

boston saloon

In one of the alcove seats a large man is seated next to the hostess, a willowy blond with a fine satin dress.

MISS KATIE             now don’t start any trouble there, RIVERS these are the kings men, and the mayor gives them privileges, now wish me luck

 

The girl gets up and comes to the centre of the bar saying [what will it be boys ]

BLOODAXE   we want ale to start and then some entertainment.

JESOP  EY THAT’S RIGHT , I have the cargo from my ship, unloading at the harbour right now, and me and me lads want to enjoy your hospitality. Now you carry on playing and singing while we have a drink.

The musicians resume there recital of an old German ballad as the four sailors sit and one of the serving girls comes over from behind the bar with there drinks. As she serves she is groped by BLOODAXE,  who says [can I take this girl upstairs captain]

The captain beckons over the hostess who  arrives and accepts a royal coin, [ there my dear accept the kings royal sovereign and give Bloodaxe here what he wants.

She accepts the coin and puts it in here purse and then turns to see RIVERS, [ I’m going out for some fresh air, but I won’t go too far] and he leaves the bar and turns right up the main street.

After a short while he gets past the general store to the new dentist surgery and walks in. [ Doc you in there, I need some company for a while ] the door at the back of the shop opens and a middle ages man with a small beard and dark suit comes out,

DOC HOLIDAY      I was just closing up Mike, and planning to go over to MISS KATIES, that new musician has a sweet voice.

RIVERS     Hold your horses there Doc, in case you didn’t know the Royal ship has arrived and the men have come into to town as expected. That’s why I left and I was hopping to spend a while here in case MISS KATIE needs me.

DOC HOLIDAY       Smart move WYATT, there’s room in the back and some of my whisky so come right in.

 

RETURN TO  ATLANTIS, PT2

 

The TWO MEN WALK through the shop into the room at the back and take seats at a table

RIVERS     now we can speak in private Doc, I can’t go over to the saloon as I’ll get into trouble, though I’d like you to go over there, as per usual , and if your not satisfied with them sailors attitude call me over.

DOC       You’ll have more help as the Brits are being watched by young Adam and some of the guys with SAM PARKHILL.

MIKE RIVERS      well if we are all together, lets get over there and sample the hospitality, that German piano player and singer are very entertaining.

They leave the dentists and walk the terrace , entering the saloon by the louver door, where they immediately see MISS KATE, at the bar near the piano.

 

She startles, and tells them to go, not wanting any trouble.

The group of sailors are enjoying the music, and Rivers and Doc holiday go up to the bar and order a drink.  Miss Kate comes over to them,[ I have to be here to keep them happy, but I don’t want  trouble ]  she points to a table on the other side of the saloon where four men are seated

RED JASPER      Some more of this fine broth and more ale, wench for a weary sailor who hasn’t seen a woman since he set sail

CAPTAIN JESOP       yes the kings shilling to the hostess, and make it snappy.

Rivers and Doc Holiday take there drinks and walk over to the booth where four cowboys are stationed, keeping an eye on the sailors.

ADAM STERLING      Glad you turned up , the first mate has taken the only hostess upstairs, and I’m here to keep an eye for SAM and see him at the Coach house later.

RIVERS    YES THOUGH now there are a group of us, I won’t sit here if they turn ugly.

DOC HOLIDAY      Yes I ‘ve been waiting to see what these sailor are like, they think they own the town.

Miss Kate gets more food from the kitchen and comes over to serve, and from the gantry above, a laud cry can be heard as Bloodaxe comes out shouting [this she devil slapped me captain]

Bloodaxe comes down the stairs to join his shipmates [what of you Questor, ready to loose your cherry to a southern gal ]

QUESTOR      It would be the first time for me Captain, and I’m feeling better after the long voyage.

CAPTAIN JESOP        that’s right lad, dry land and good living puts lead in your pencil, now I’ll give the hostess another of the kings shillings

As Miss Kate brings the food [that pleasure is off the menu tonight lads, be happy with more ale on the house ]

BLOODAXE        The mayor has given us leave young woman, and this lad can’t be denied after a long sea JOURNEY, with only rum and dreams of fair maidens for company.

He pulls Miss Kate towards him and she spills ale down his back [unhand me Sir]

Mike rivers ,  gets up saying [, now leave the lady alone or come outside with me Bloodaxe, I’ll shoot you dead ]

JESOP       What’s this a cowboy who wants to be clapped in irons,  you carry on , and let the people enjoy these music.

He goes over and pull Miss Kate free of the clutches of the barbaric sailor, and the cowboys draw there pistols and come over.[Miss Kate is my girlfriend and I won’t see her or her staff used by any British without manors}

RED JASPER       Boy run and tell the Marshal, we’ll get these men behind bars for the night and carry on enjoying the day.

[no you won’t you drunken sea dog] he pulls jasper from his wooden chair and marches him out of the saloon and the others order the other three out at gun point.

 

[Shut up the bar Kate,]

Outside the four sailors are pushed through the front doors into the street with [ now start walking back to your ship,]

JESOP      You go over to the Sherriff boy and then meet up back at the harbour, you boys have made yourselves trouble.

[Katie shut the place and come with us, ]

MISS KATE      No Mike, I’ll close the bar and wait for Sam to arrive, he’ll have to square this with the sheriff. You two get ou8t of here before those men cause more trouble for you with the law.

ADAM STERLING   yes some of the townsfolk are on our side and we can hold up in the coach house until SAM, and Thomas arrive, he can talk to the Sherriff.

 

JESOP  that wont help you, the state governor and the british navy will be on my side for pulling a weapon on her majesties officer, and interrupting trade.

Questor comes back saying the sheriff is out of town and will be back this evening.MISS KATE lets the other patrons out of the saloon bar and shuts it with [try to avoid trouble with the sheriff, rivers and you boys I’ll tell him when he arrives]

The cowboys walk up the main street leaving the Captain and his men standing there.

BLOODAXE       Ey well go over to the station house and wait for him, I still have a bottle of rum to share. Don’t think that you cowboys will get away with this.

 

As the kings men walk over to the jailhouse and sit outside Rivers and the Doc stride along the main road to the shop where he collects a bag and then they walk to the stagecoach.

 

RIVERS                             I’m not running away from the sheriff, Doc even if they are the kings men. SHERIFF Welch knows where I am , and he works with the MACDONALDS , he might be away on the farm now sorting out cattle rustlers.

 

ADAM STERLING         You herd the captain Doc , and he has much power with the Guvonour, we should ride back with you to your farm.

DOC HOLIDAY                I’ll tag along with you until this blows over, might even ride to the next town with my tools in my saddle bags.

The three c0llect there horses and ride out into the night.

Up in the harbour Sam Parkhill , Thomas, and Benjamin have agreed to contact the sea devils on new radio devises if they want justice for the townsfolk. They leave the cave and head back along the cliff . A silver moon illuminates the harbour which is silent save the lapping the the waves against the side of the loading bay. The cargo unloading and festival have finished for the day and the only lights are far off on the Galion ship ESPERANTO.

esperanto

SAM PARKHILL             I hope that captain Jesop and the sailors have left town and are getting drunk on that sail ship.

BEJAMIN FRANKLIN                 yes and that they have been courteous to your miss Kate and the townsfolk.

THOMAS PAIN              I’m for taking the alien creatures up on there offer ,and steeling our gold back from the British. They will complain to the state governor and cause a rift with England.

FRANKLIN                       Lokk at the ship out there, I waiger those sailors are drinking the profits already.

SAM PARKHILL             eye though I don’t suppose you approve being a lawyer, they usually pick up some barrels of beer from the general store in town before setting sail back to England.

THOMAS PAIN              Apen there wooping it up on deck as we speak me harties , that jesop is a right scoundrel of the seven seas and know mistake.

SAM PARKHILL                             eye lads well lets trot into town and see how MISS KATE made out with the British,

 

In town Captain Jesop, Red Jasper, and Questor have sat outside the jail house when sherriff Welch rides in with his deputies.

It’s a dark moonlit night and most of the townsfolk have gone back to there homes and farm houses leaving and eary silence.

SHERRIFF WELCH       stow the horses in the hay barn and giver them there feed while I get a fire going James.

He walks over to his house and greets the kings men with [ what can I do for you captain , one of your men upset the townsfolk have they]

JESOP                  You collect your men Welch and arrest those cowboys, hops and barley oats.

BLOOAXE                          EYE captain hops and barley oats this grog is going down and I have a taste for it and then some.

JASPER              yes it was your taste for it that has got us in this mess BLOODAXE.

JESOP  give me that ale me harties, there is no trouble if the Sherriff, comes with us over to the saloon and gives that wench a piece of our minds.

BLOODAXE       Apen I’ll enjoy that come with me sheriff.

The sheriff follows the staggering drunk sailors across to the saloon and rings the door bell, then calls up to the bed room.

SHERIFF WELCH          can you come down here Miss Kate, it’s the sheriff.

She pops her head out of the window saying [ sheriff it’s getting late and the bar is closed, but if it’s about the English just you wait there and I’ll be down in a jiffy.

The sheriff sits down as his men come back from the stables and [ set down here till she gets here boys] He takes out his pistol and starts to clean it with a soft cloth.

Just then Sam arrives with Thomas and Benjamin Franklin and asks [ what’s the problem sheriff, me and the boys have been worried about these navel officers enjoying the delights of the saloon while we are away ]

JESOP                  It’s that cowboy you must arrest sheriff, he pulled a gun on a member of the British navy and it’s your duty .

The sheriff returns his gun to his utility belt and stands as the doors open and Miss Kate comes out in a floral dress with a linen shawl draped over her shoulders.

MISS KATE      Rivers was only protecting the bar and our reputation Sheriff, and these men have had what they came here for.

JESOP                  harbouring a fugitive from the law is treason young lady.

SHERIFF WELCH                          I’ll decide what’s the law around here captain

JESOP                  You have to arrest them I have power over you and I’ll complain to the guvonour.

SHERIFF WELCH          where are they Kate

SAM      look sheriff, those boys where just minding my bar while I’m out of town and they whent a bit too far.

SHERIFF WELCH          that’s for a judge to decide

RED JASPER    is it really

It’s late evening when the trio make it to the farm house , and they ride into the court yard and then towards the mens barracks. They enter and go to where some of the cattle rustlers are playing cards.

RIVERS             Be ready to make a move if the sheriff comes Doc , i aint leaving.

Pete                       He was here today and checking on the cattle Mike.

RIVERS             RECON SO , but i’m nearly one of the family so if he and his depuadies ride in i’ll give myself up.

DOC                      Right then , let’s hold up here but I’m staying by the door and if the law rides in I’m out the back. And if they aint turned up come day break I’ll see to some of your boys teeth. Now who needs dentistry lads don’t be shy I have my bag here.

PETE                    I’ll try in the morning doc when I’m sober.

DOC                      pass me that bottle of whiskey mike, I only use it for medicinal purposes.

It’s morning when the sheriff and three men arrive at the ranch , and Welch directs his men to search the barracks while he goes to the main house. He steps up on to the front porch and rings the bell. The farmers wife Stella comes and opens the door letting the law man in.

STELLA MACDONALD               Why sheriff you and your men are getting familiar sight around here. James will be down in a moment, though we did not expect you , come in.

He walks in and takes a left into a large living room just as the owner James Macdonald comes down the stairs into the hallway.

Sheriff Welch                   I’m here to get Mike rivers and take him in. He got into trouble in town and I have to arrest him.

MACDONALD                  now they are all good men sheriff they wouldn’t have caused no trouble I can vouch for all of them.

Sheriff Welch                   That may be so but I have to uphold the law and it was with men from the British navy. They will insist on a trial while they are here and phone the state guvonour.

Just then there is noise outside and all three go out of the house where RIVERS AND ADAM are standing with the law men. They leave the main building and walk over the court yard to the group

[So rivers I have to arrest you, now where’s the doc ]

RIVERS              He isn’t here sheriff he decided to ride out to the next town though you won’t catch him.

STELLA              James you get these men a good lawyer and a fair trial, I heard the british will try to back any of there officers.

MACDONALD  yes I’ll do that can I have a word with you is this serious.

WELCH               tell you what I’ll do James I have to lock these boys up but I’ll wait until after that british ship has left harbour and get the charges reduced.

MACDONALD                  I’d appreciate that if I can sheriff, and I’ll come in tomorrow and check on them.

The group ride out back into town and from the back of the yard doc holiday rides in the other direction.

Later that morning the sheriff and his men get back to town and ride straight to the jailhouse where the two captives are taken in and locked up.

SHERIFF            you’re in luck rivers, the Britsh have left town and I don’t have to call the send a telegrame to judge Jeffries.

Out on the harbour captain Jesop and his men are sailing back to the ESPERANTO in the hot mid morning sun.

JESOP                  I’L BE KEEN TO SET SAIL when we get back mates.

BLOODAXE       ey captain but them men will get away with it and I’m for putting them in the brig and making them face a military court.

RED JASPER    belay that bloodaxe we are in trouble with the men already , see they come out on deck to greet us.

JESOP                  Yes I’ll leave hear and then write to the state guvnor when we reach England now don’t say anything to the men.

The boat gets alongside and they climb up the rope ladder and onto the main deck where all the men are waiting.

[hello me harties, ready to set sail, did you get all that gold stowed safely for the voyage]

THE HEAD MAN LEUTENNANT CARSTAIRS             The men have been waiting captain for there barrel of ale and have not finished unloading.

BLOODAXE       Well we got into trouble with some local cowboys and were leaving now so up anchor and lets get ready.

CARSTAIRS     We have been waiting for the whole voyage and no shore leave they will not do anymore captain, and I speak for all of them right lads.

JESOP  now look there mates our reputation I blotted since this sea dog argued with a waitress and I’m for unloading the tea and getting underway so start the unloading.

The lieutenant walks over to the side telling his men to lower the boat back into the water.

[the men will not work until they have there ale but are willing to set sail as son as it’s on board captain ,now we want to go ashore with you now]

JESOP  alright then lets go , jasper you take charge while I’m in town , get the tea unloaded and make ready to sail.

BACK IN TOWN A GROUP HAS GATHERED OUTSIDE THE JAILHOUSE WHEN THE CAPTAIN AND HIS MEN COME STRIDING BACK.

BENJAMIN FRANKLYNE        yes I will take the case on Sam , I only wish I had been there.

SAM PARKHILL             I realy appreciate that Ben you can get statements from all the bar staff tonight. Kate you know what happened don’t you.

KATE   yes here comes the captain know it was his fault and one of those dirty sailors from THE ESPERANTO.

 

THE CAPTAIN AND HIS MEN WALK OVER TO SAM AND KATE SAYING [ I HOPE THAT MEN HAVE BEEN ARRESTED AND LOCKED UP or I’ll go over to the telegraph office right now and tell the state guvonour ]

CARSTAIRS     Oh these are the people who stopped us men getting there reward for a long sea voyage are they, though the girl is very pleasing to the eye.

SAM      YEAH THANKS TO YOU ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS IS LOCKED UP IN THIS HERE JAILHOUSE AND OUR DENTIST IS A FUGATIVE FROM JUSTICE.

JESOP                  and if he was only of my crew he would be claped in irons and thrown in the brig, carstairs you go over to the general store and get two barrels for the men and I’ll go see the sheriff.

JESOP walks into the jailhouse and Benjamin Frankline grabs Sam Parkhill by the arm and leads him around the corner [ now is the time to call our strange new allies from the cliff face, you know the aliens ]

SAM PARKHILL             If you want to run over to the paper shop and tell Thomas then do it, I have a bar to run. Though tell him I’m all for it , I don’t like this captain getting friends of mine in trouble.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN             if the judge is called in this mistake could mean hard labour or those two men in the jailhouse , so I’m going over get Thomas to use that new radio gadget and call the alien sea creatures.

Sam walks back to the saloon and seas thomas and bengamin coming out of the printing shop and calls them over.

SAM PARKHILL        that captain hasn’t come out of the jailhouse but his men are over at the general store getting beer for the trip back to England.

THOMAS PAIN         yes if they get back , we have just told ICHTAR, leader of the sea devils to raid the ship.

They step into the bar where Miss kate is serving at tables

KATE              So are they going to release mike and drop the charges like I asked the sheriff Sam.

SAM PARKHILL        no but we are getting revenge and the captain might not have a ship. Though I’ll send you over with an invite

KATE If those sailors are still in town how about we get them a drink in the guest room upstairs and ask them to let our boys go.

SAM PARKHILL        alright then just for you if you can persude them.

Miss kate walks behind the bar and takes her apron off , and then walks out the saloon door and walks the terrace towards the general store just as lieutenant Carstairs and red jasper are coming out.

RED JASPER WELL look at this dolly I have for my niece back in Berkshire.

KATE              very pleasing captain,

Mr Blobby

THOMAS PAIN is on the street corner handing out copies of his pamphlet as Benjamin comes over to the paper shop. he puts his large stack of pamphlets and lets him into his printers and then phones ICHTAR ON the radio.

ICHTAR             LET ME finish and then I will gather my sea devil worriors and attack the ship, though I’l let the sailors off if RED JASPER wants to take command, that is going to cost the human race ho ho old boy

THOMAS PAIN             well it’s agreed those Brits came into town and made MISS KATE keep er doors open late now go for it.

sea devils

LATER ON…………….. the Esperanto is sailing out of boston harbour

CAPTAIN JESOP is nursing a black eye   well me harties what a shame, all that fine tea from china tipped over the side buy those SEA DEVILS.

Questor               EY BUT WE STILL have the gold captain

CARSTAIRS               yeah three cheers for captain RED JASPER, EY LADS

QUESTOR                  that’s right , no affence Jesop but if RED JASPER hadn’t have challenged that fishy monster to single combat we would be flouting at the bottom of the ocean.

RED JASPER             that’s what it looked like to you but it was this magick dolly i bought in town. That fishy beast made a grab for it and asked for my cooperation.  well men its the hunt for DAVY JONSES LOCKER with me sailing to PANAMA and getting our reward , cast the main sail.

CARSTAIRS   that’s mutiny captain but I’m with you if you can keep us afloat ,

RED JASPER              That sea mermaid gave me this here devise and said we will be called buy the new AMERICAN GOVERNMENT when they declare indipendance and it’s all due to you lot making trouble in town with the waitress.

QUESTOR      And you can call SAM PARKHILL in town for his first shipment of JAMAICAN RUM three cheers for RED JASPER.

 

And that gentleman is how the American revolution began the war for independence and the victory over England for them and there first president George Washington.

 

MAX HASINGS-historical reporter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RETURN TO ATLANTIS